A Note To My Young Daughter

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It’s a difficult world out there. You were my little girl and now you are ready to take on the world. You will have your own new experiences. You will make mistakes. You will stumble, fall and learn to get up. You will make new friends; some of whom I may not even approve of. You will fall in love and might have a heart break or two. You will learn and discover many things on your own, but there are a few things that I always want you to remember –

You are beautiful

There is no such thing as a perfect body. The society, the billboards, the tv commercials and the movies may suggest that there is, but in reality, people come in every shape and size. It is okay that you want to look your best. But always remember that a good heart is what makes you more beautiful and a smile is the best makeup you can wear.

Understand your hormones

Getting a period is an important part of womanhood, it means you can be a mother if and when you decide to be one. You may see your friends being unperturbed during that time of the month, while you may wriggle in pain, or may be irritable.It is fine to feel how you are and its okay to talk about it. Each woman has a different menstrual experience. Try to understand your cycle and how your body responds to it. Don’t let your hormones takes over your life, just be prepared for it.

Stand up for yourself

You will meet people who will try to judge or change the way you think, the way you talk, the way you carry yourself, the way you act. It is okay to listen to them, if you wish to. But do not be afraid to voice your opinions and your beliefs, even if you think you might offend someone. Be respectful to them, but do not think twice about standing up for yourself. You do not have to accept the things that you are not okay with. If you are not happy with the way someone is treating you, the way someone is talking to you, the way someone is touching or looking at you, let it be known – loud and clear.

Do what you do – because you want to, not because the society expects you to

More often than not we let the society mould our thoughts and actions – what clothes to wear when, what profession to choose, when to marry and when to have babies. We do not need to live by these rules. Do what you love. Follow your heart and that ways you will never be disappointed. And yes, you can choose to be single all your life. You can decide to focus on your career, or be a doting mother to your babies or do both. The choice is yours. But of course, be sensitive to people whom you are sharing your journey with.

Be Financially Independent

Money can’t buy you happiness, but it still is important. The confidence you gain from being financially independent cannot be gained in any other way. You can never predict the hardships or unforeseen incidents that may happen in the future. But the confidence that you can handle things on your own, if need be, can be very reassuring. You don’t need a man, or for that matter anyone to take care of you. You can take care of yourself.

Everyone is equal

You are equal to the men around you. Don’t let the society make you believe otherwise. You deserve the same opportunities, the same chances, the same freedom, the same choices that men get. And if there is anything they can achieve, you can too. It is your capability that determines the heights you reach and not your gender. Treat men also with the same respect that you expect them to treat you.

I want you to remember all this, but most of all want you to remember that I will always have your back and will always be around when you need me. You were my little girl, and you always will be.

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Have you ever had your kid looking at you while kissing or snuggling with your partner? What was your immediate response to this situation? It can be of the two either your flinched and drew apart or you continued comfortably with a smile. This two reaction to the situation conveys a contrary meaning. The former suggests your discomfort with the public display of affection in front of your kids thus it’s avoidance. The latter is the evidence of leading through an example for your child.

What causes discomfort ?

Public Display of affection a.k.a PDA refers to kissing, hugging, snuggling, or showing any kind of physical affection publicly. This article entails explicitly the dynamics of PDA in front of the kids.

Why is PDA in front of kids a good thing ?

Such a weird world we live in where violence is pervasive and bloodshed wars are a norm

on the contrary showing affection through a kiss, hug, cuddle or a mere hand holding is deemed shameful and uncivilized.

This shame roots back to the idea of patriarchy, misogyny, and toxic masculinity. Where men are expected to stay emotionless thus abstaining from any show of affection while women are supposed to be bining and submissive in defiance to this socially accepted behavior that labels one as uncivilized.

Besides this, the other reason could be an experience of an abusive household and bitter relationship with parents, and exposure to extensive violence while growing up. Only violence and no love is a major factors in disrupting one’s idea about love. Such adults refrain from showing love in front of their kids. Most parents fear setting the wrong example by teaching their child a socially defined behavior through PDA.

Children learn through example. Right from the time they develop cognitive skills, they start picking behavior from their surroundings and internalize it gradually. Exposing your child to affection through PDA is the best way to provide them with a cheerful and lively environment.

PDA not only helps the parents in strengthening their bond over time but also instills confidence and a positive self-esteem in the child.

Incorporating simple acts of affection with your partner in the presence for a child proves fruitful in numerous ways. Below are listed few pros for the same..

1. Weeds out shame around love and affection

Firstly, Love needs to be perceived and preached for what it truly is. PDA is not only about physical affection but extends to warm compliments of support, appreciation, and acknowledgment for your partner. Practice acknowledging your partner for the simple acts of kindness and support. This will your child about the importance of mutual respect and appreciation in a relationship.

2. Teaches about good and bad touch

Now your body language during PDA speaks for itself. The way you hold, touch, and reckon with your partner should be gentle and kind. This will help the kid learn about the good touch. Thus, They would certainly know of a bad touch that ever sweeps across them. This also makes it the very first lesson on sex education for your kid that prepares them to understand sexuality, consent, pleasure, and other aspects of age-appropriate sex education.

3.Boosts confidence and self-esteem

A child that grows up looking up to a harmonious parental relationship decorated with acts of physical affection has more stable and positive confidence with brimming self-esteem. On the contrary, A child in an abusive household develops self-esteem issues making them socially vulnerable.

4.Feeling of security

Emanating the acts of physical affection propagates a sense of security to your child. They feel loved and emotionally stable. This also encourages them to confide in their parents instead of relying on any third party.

5.Healthy image about love

When a child grows up looking at PDA as a norm with an absolute knowledge about consent, sexuality, pleasure, and companionship. They have a healthy and positive approach to their own relationship. They would certainly know what to look for in a partner.

PDA is not only beneficial for the preaching purpose to your kid but also has myriad benefits for you and your partner. It develops compatibility, compassion, and understanding in the relationship. There is indeed a fun fact that states- PDA stimulates the release of oxytocin a hormone also called ‘cuddle hormone’ or ‘feel good hormone’ produced by the hypothalamus and released by the pituitary gland and that is how PDA makes your relationship age like a fine wine.

Now, you may not feel like staging a full-blown PDA act in front of your kids every day. That is absolutely okay the rule is simple do not put a forced show of affection just to teach your kid about love and similarly do not flinch while you are actually amidst the affectionate moment with your partner in your child’s presence to the stretch o your and child’s comfort.

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