Growing As A Parent

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Parenting has never been limited to just the biological parents but has spread from the father or mother to elderly siblings, step-parents, grandparents, legal guardians, aunts, uncles or further family members, or pals. Governments and society also play a major role in bringing up a child. Whether the child is growing in a nuclear family, joint family or in foster care every child deserves love and care.

Why Parenting Is Important

When James Baldwin said, “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” He might have struck a chord among many of us.

It’s not just in words but if you take a closer look at your children you will often catch them acting or handling the situation just like you. They often imitate you in a particular way that will have you thinking, “Is she becoming like me?”

Parents are a major part of children’s life. Whether it’s teaching them how to walk or tying the knot, parents should be there to witness and guide them to the right path. A child’s mind is an empty vase in the initial year and as parents, it’s your duty to fill it with a sound education, morals and knowledge of right and wrong.

When Should Parents Stop

But as Khaled Hosseini has said, “Children aren’t colouring books. You don’t get to fill them with your favourite colours.” One must know that you should teach the children how to think not what to think.

Parents should know when to stop interfering in their children’s life. Children should be left to explore and get their own way through life.

Children should be self-sufficient, so they can learn from their own mistakes. Its children’s life, so they should be left to lead it the way they want, should be left to make choices and stand for things they believe in.

As a parent, you should educate your children and assist them in their choices by supporting them in their victories and failures. A chick only learns to fly when they fall down numerous times. Parents who are often found overprotective of their children, the kids are seen to become pushovers and are incapable of dealing with challenges or difficult tasks that are expected to withstand in the practical world.

What we can adopt in parenting from parents across the world

From West

1. The society of permissive parenthood enables children to develop with the proficiency to understand creatively and be inventive. The entrepreneurial belief is found in western nations more often than the eastern nations.

2. Western parenting pertains to hearing their children and building their capability without urging them to follow authority. Being unrestricted to follow what they like, they are always thinking out of the box.

3. They are given the freedom to believe and function the way they want from a premature age which enables them to comprehend the outcomes of their actions on their own and not limited to the lessons by their parents.

From East

4. Parents from the east countries spend more on the children’s education, extracurricular or in their physical and mental development.

5. The cultural upbringing in east countries is more emotional which often entitles the children to stay with their family or look after their parents as they grow old.

6. East countries parents are often seen to accompany their children in their homework which helps them to form a stronger bonding.

Highlights

Are public spaces accessible to breastfeeding mothers?

A lactating mother felt ‘uncomfortable’ breastfeeding her child in public.

Uncomfortable, embarrassed, vulnerable! But why is it a site of objectification?

It is rare to find nursing rooms in public spaces where a woman can breastfeed.

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“Next station is Rajiv Chowk. Change here for the blue line. Doors will open on the right. Please mind the gap.”

It was during one of my morning metro rides. As soon as the door of the metro closed, a woman came running from the general coach. She seemed in a hurry. But more than her swing of motion toward the moving train, what caught everyone’s attention was her little baby draped in her dupatta crying his throat out.

She came to the women’s coach and sat next to me. And started breastfeeding her child instantaneously. The crying voice ceased just seconds after. Well, she answered the unasked questions pointed to her with many women gazing at her. She said, “I felt uncomfortable there” and smiled.

Breastfeeding In Public Is Uncomfortable

She felt uncomfortable about doing nothing more than feeding her baby.

Uncomfortable, embarrassed, vulnerable! Breastfeeding in public is a barrier to breastfeeding in general. But why is it a site of objectification? How society perceives the act of breastfeeding is a question of concern.

The Infant and Young Child Feeding Guidelines 2016 (IYCFG, drafted by the Indian Academy of Pediatrics (Indian Pediatrics 2016) states:

“Nursing in Public (NIP): Mothers should feel comfortable to nurse in public. All efforts should be taken to remove hurdles impeding breastfeeding in public places. Special areas/rooms shall be identified/ constructed or established in places like bus stands, railway stations, airports, etc.”

Public places are immensely crowded, with people pushing each other, being stared at, and harassed. This ordeal doesn’t have much comfort to offer. In addition, it is rare to find nursing rooms in public spaces where a woman can breastfeed her child without the stares of objectification.

From a woman being mocked by a fellow employee in Kolkata for breastfeeding her child in the office to a magazine receiving flak for featuring a model posing like she was breastfeeding – it is unfortunate and illogically unsettling how so many people still consider breastfeeding a stigma and view the process as mere sexualization, exclusive for gaze.

There are no laws in India that prohibit breastfeeding in public. However, the environment is not conducive to a breastfeeding mother either in a metro or at the workplace?

This raises concerns about the social conditioning and unavailability of proper infrastructure in public spaces, including malls, metro stations, railway stations, bus terminals, airports for breastfeeding mothers.

The World Health Organization recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months. The WHO also states within its guidelines:

Men Stare, So Do Women

The scorn of society is not the sole reason for the barrier in breastfeeding in public spaces. Lack of hygiene, no facilities of nursing rooms are among the other reasons which make the environment far from encouraging to protect the right of a child to be breastfed irrespective of where they are.

Michelle Branch, an American singer, recently took to her social media after getting flak by another mother for breastfeeding in public. Branch wrote, “I am in shock that this kind of judgment was coming from a fellow mom!”

I just got shamed by another mother (who was holding her own young infant!) for nursing my 6 week old baby on a bench at a playground while my toddler was playing 🤯 She said I wasn’t “being modest” I am in shock that this kind of judgement was coming from a fellow mom!
— Michelle Branch (@michellebranch) March 15, 2022

Well, it is ironic that you’ll find a smoking room around different public spaces, but rarely you would find a nursing room to breastfeed a child.

The concerning thing is the fact, in 2022, women aren’t able to enjoy the freedom to breastfeed in peace. The possibility of being stared at, photographed, and harassed grips the basic fact of life.

According to the survey conducted by Mompresso.com, a user-generated platform for Moms, 93% of lactating mothers feel uncomfortable in public because of a lack of breastfeeding facilities.

No Space For Breastfeeding In Public

Shaili (name changed), a resident of Delhi, says, “I felt extremely uncomfortable breastfeeding in public during the first few months. I was directed to the washroom. We wouldn’t want to eat in a freaking public toilet, so why do many think it’s okay to tell a mother to breastfeed their child in a stinking toilet where they themselves wouldn’t eat?”

Pallavee, an IT professional with a leading firm in Gurugram, says, “I have breastfed my child in public parks, toilets, malls, restaurants, and trains. I was nervous when I had to nurse in public, surrounded by glares. I will never understand why breastfeeding in public is shamed upon. There are no places where I can breastfeed peacefully. I gotta feed my baby.”

“I do not attract anyone’s gaze while I breastfeed my child,” said one respondent.

As of now, there is no law in the country which mandates public spaces to have lactation rooms. If metro stations had a nursing room, we, as a society, normalize breastfeeding and not stare when a woman breast-feeds. It could have enabled that lady on the train and many more like her to take care of her infant without panicking and rushing to avoid the stares of objectification.

We need society and laws to build a more empowering and accessible environment for lactating mothers and build necessary infrastructure which is clean and safe for a mother to breastfeed their child.

Let’s Support Nursing Mothers!

Larissa Waters, an Australian MP, made international headlines in 2017 when she breastfed her 14-week-old baby while addressing the nation’s parliament. Her gesture is a clear representation of how rarely there have been talks about breastfeeding in public.

Larissa Waters, Australian senator, breastfeeding her baby, while addressing the Parliament.
*_{Source: YouTube screengrab}*

Babies need to be fed. Let’s be more empathetic and make it better for them without making them feel unnerved. The feeling of humankind should incite compassion and not oppose or associate accusations of indecency with breastfeeding.

Instead of misogynistic attempts to shame the natural act of feeding babies, let’s ensure to normalize the gaze with which the society views the act of breastfeeding and work on providing well maintained accessible for all spaces, free from intrusion at workplaces, malls, metro stations, railway stations and other public spaces for women to nurse their children without the fear of public glare.

Let’s ensure no lactating mother gets directed towards the toilet to feed their babies. Let’s not objectify a mother’s choice – the next time!