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Daughters’ Day: These Daughters Share Times When They Got Into Their Parents’ Shoes!

Written By: Sonali
September 27, 2020
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The pros of working with digital platforms and writing online are that you end up remembering all the important dates, days and festivals. In case you forget a single one, twitter ensures that you find it in your trending list!

Today is daughters’ day — and I woke up with a WhatsApp text from my mum! No, I was in the house with her, but in the age of digital communication, she wanted this text to remain on my phone always. Parents, I sometimes wonder, are so naive and pure!

So this daughter’s day, I decided to publish this feature when the day ends — to make you realize that emotions and relationships don’t belong to one particular day and the stories are meant to live forever.

These daughters share one of the most beautiful parts of their lives with us — when they got into their parents’ shoes and excelled in the time of crisis — which made their parents realize that their daughter is all grown up now!

Srishti Mantri

Srishti and her mother

She’s always been a mess — a beautiful and notorious one! “From being a bratty child all through junior college to barely finishing my degree, my parents always worried about how I’d sail through. But cut to now, each day as they see me handle my clients and grow every day, they smile at me and tell me every day that having a daughter was the biggest blessing in their life,” Srishti’s excitement was so evident while she shared this with me.

She asked her mother about an emotional moment which she could share with us, and the answer was — “when Srishti purchased an AC from her first salary!” And she was super emotional.

Sramana Das

Remember the times when we packed our bags and left home to explore our own ways? The excitement & feeling of living independently and the pain & emotions of leaving parents back is something we all have been through.

Sramana being the chhota bacha of the family has always been pampered the most. When she left for Pune, her parents were worried, especially her baba, but she managed everything pretty well. “I travelled alone and waited for seven hours at the airport. I learnt cooking, did every household chore, and took care of my elder sister too. Everyone used to say that ‘beti badi ho gayi’ but yes, all of these made me realize that managing a home is not easy. Hats off to you maa,” Sramana scolds her maa and baba whenever they neglect themselves. Parents often ignore their own health and well being when it comes to their kids, and that’s when Sramana becomes their mother — to remind them that nothing is more important than their well being!

Jagriti

“Jagriti was in 3rd year when she lost her mom. She has always been a bold and super confident girl, but her mother’s demise took away all her charm and happiness. She didn’t talk to anyone and barely stepped out of her room. And after a month of struggle with herself, she came into the dining area one day — called the maid, got the entire house cleaned, and prepared the breakfast and meals for her younger sister and me. 

That night, while giving me my medicines, she said, ‘dad we cannot afford this anymore. Mom would hate us for making this house and our lives such a mess. She hasn’t left us yet, but I bet if the maid doesn’t come tomorrow, she will pakka run away!’ And the next moment, I was laughing my heart out with eyes full of tears.

It’s been three years since my wife left us, but my daughter managed the house and our lives so well. How could we be blessed with such a beautiful angel? She is my daughter, my friend, my guide and my mother sometimes. And I wish her in my every birth,” Jagriti’s father writes to me while her daughter books another online workshop for him.

Balaji R

Balaji with daughter Pihu

When Balaji brought Pihu home for the first time, he knew that she was the one! “A sweet little naughty girl — Pihu never fails at making us ROFL through her mischievous side. She never sits silent and loves playing with me. Oh, and she loves papaya like anything! I bet even if you give her one whole papaya, she can eat it entirely at one go,” Balaji doesn’t see Pihu as a dog.

Yes, animals are family — a beautiful part of our lives. Balaji didn’t give birth to Pihu, but he would love to be her mommy forever. She is a seven months old bundle of joy and happiness without whom he cannot imagine his days now.

Sakshi

Sakshi with her mother

“Back in 2014, my mother suffered from cardiac arrest. I was in my first year of graduation, and she was hospitalized for around two months. Since then I have stepped up in her shoes and managed the whole household on my own,” Sakshi shares that moment when her life got upside down.

It was hard for the young Sakshi, but she did manage everything so beautifully and is still continuing that. And considering the amount of responsibilities she has been fulfilling for her family, her mother says that she has become of all her home.

Rashmi Karadalli

Rashmi with her mother

Rashmi’s life changed when she saw her mother in bed for more than a week. For someone like her mother, who was always active and full of energy, Rashmi couldn’t bear seeing her like this. “Vertigo made her weak — a disease which a lot of people are not aware of was making our lives difficult. My mom was very weak and always felt dizzy,” Rashmi was home for vacation at that time. 

Though the maid was there to help her with all the washing and cleaning chores, she still had a  lot to manage. “I used to cook with whatever knowledge I had and that was the first time when I took full responsibility for the kitchen. I used to give my mom food, tablets, and hot water whenever she needed and she recovered within a month, “ Rashmi smiles while recalling that.

But what she heard later from her mother made her proud and emotional, “my mom was telling my nani that I took care of her exactly how she used to take care of me when I was sick!”

Rakshita Khanna

Remember the times when we fight with our parents only to make them realize that everything on WhatsApp is not true and that superstitions are not meant to believe?

“I remember this was around my wedding preparations. We used to get time for shopping only on weekends, and my mom never allowed me to buy utensils or stuff on Saturdays. Every time she used to come up with such gyans, I had to give her the logic for that. I still do! My father almost signed on a property paper in a long-lost family dispute and that just didn’t make sense, but I stepped in between and made him realize that he was being cheated. Parents are definitely more experienced than us, but a part of theirs is so innocent and unaware of the frauds that we children have to act as their guardians at times,” Rakshita smiles while recalling her old memories.

Supriya Mishra

Supriya with her brother

They say elder sisters are no less than a mother and I completely second that! When Supriya was in standard 12th, her parents got admitted to a hospital for almost a week because of dengue. “My brother was in standard 11th — so yes, not much younger than me. But I used to wake up early every day to make him breakfast. Then I used to wake him up, and we used to go to school. I was making lunch and dinner after coming back from school,” Supriya recalls. 

Her parents were admitted in Ahmedabad, and they were in Gandhinagar, so it was difficult for them to visit their parents every day. “I used to prepare fruit juices and send other necessary stuff with my neighbours who used to visit them,” this was the time when she took the entire responsibility on her so efficiently!

A lot of people still believe that daughters are a burden, but these daughters are proving that it’s a blessing to give birth to a daughter and day is just not enough for all the love and happiness they bring with them! #ChotiChotiKhushiyaan #HappyDaughtersDay

daughterMystoryParentingreal storywomen in indiawomen power

Sonali

A 'non-9-5 desk job' ambivert geek who chooses her own audience, Sonali loves sharing stories and finding the corners where humanity still exists! She believes that every individual's story is unique and special. She loves writing about the untouched and unspoken segments of society. When not writing, you can find her listening to someone's stories or playing with dogs. Sonali values mental health and encourages people to speak their heart out!

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Infano Care

Ten phrases you should never say to your kids.

Written By: Suhani Sharma
July 29, 2021 | 08:59 AM |
718

Highlights

  1. The manner of communication with our kids has the potential to shape their personalities. We often don’t realize but the way we speak to them leaves a lasting impact on them.
  2. Any comment on the physical appearance of kids is disrespectful.
  3. Don’t instill unnecessary fears in a child’s mind to stop them from making mischief.
  4. Comparing your kid’s growth or achievement to other kids is hostile and emotionally damaging.
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Parents can be the biggest cheerleaders as well as harshest critics of their children. In our defense I can say that all we want is to raise our kids in the appropriate way and sometimes we may take methods which are borderline abusive towards our kids. Healthy communication is the most important aspect of right parenting and it should not be compromised on any grounds.

The manner of communication with our kids has the potential to shape their personalities. We often don’t realize but the way we speak to them leaves a lasting impact on them. It won’t be an exaggeration when I say that parenting is all about how to communicate with kids, moreover what to say and what to refrain from.

Many adults suffering from anxiety and confidence issues trace back the origin of their problems to unhealthy and toxic communication with their families.

The world may not always be kind and appreciative towards your children. There will be bullying, mocking and discouragement.  The home should be their safe haven.

Our communication with the kids influences the way they perceive the world around them.

We have enlisted ten phrases we should never tell our kids and what their impact is.

1. This colour/dress doesn’t look good on you-

Any comment on the physical appearance of kids is disrespectful. The kids may be little and unaware but they understand the sense of appreciation and criticism. It can be anything from “You don’t look good in this dress.” or “You should not wear white/black or any colour.” which may affect their self worth for a long time. 

2. If you eat more, you will get fat- 

Kids are not meant for following your fitness goals. They should not be submitted to cruel models of diets and fitness. Their age is to experiment with different tastes and relish them. You are also forcing down the wrong ideas of body image saying being fat is bad and thin is good. 

Instead, tell them about how the food affects their health and say: “Eating too much of this can be unhealthy for you and we will eat just 2 spoons or a bowl.”

You can also say: “We have eaten this enough. Let’s try something new now.”

3. I told you so- 

Making mistakes and learning from them is the way of life. That’s the way adults go about their lives too. We cannot expect our children to always be obedient and perfect. They ought to try their methods instead of always listening.

When we say “I told you so.” to them, we push them away from sharing their experiences with us. 

The child may hesitate or get scared in sharing the consequences of their actions as they fear getting scolded or being looked down on.

Instead, tell them: “It’s ok, it happens. Try doing it the way Mumma/Papa told you for the next time.”

4. You can’t do this- 

This could be the most discouraging phrase you can say to your children. Naturally, children try to attempt something purely out of curiosity and by being inspired by others. The most we can do is assist them in their attempt. Once they learn that a particular action is beyond their capacity, they will step back and wait for the right time. But what they will remember out of this will be your supporting attitude. 

If we discourage kids at the first step, they will probably try to attempt it on their own and in your absence which is even more harmful.

So what you can say instead: ” Let me help you. It will be difficult for you to do it alone.” 

5. She/ He is better than you- 

Comparing your kid’s growth or achievement to other kids is hostile and emotionally damaging. It fills them with self-doubt, low confidence and even jealousy. Do we as adults like to be compared with our friends or colleagues? Your kid may start distancing from yourself emotionally with the guilt of not making you happy or proud. 

Instead, work on their qualities and guide them in excelling in those. 

6. Boys don’t cry or Don’t be a cry baby-

Tears and grief are not age or gender-specific. Crying is a healthy way of letting out one’s emotions and suppression of one’s emotion of sadness can lead to anger and aggression. When we stop our kids from crying, we are not only hampering their emotional growth but are also teaching them to pile up their feelings. 

Studies show that many men who have temperament issues or are violent towards their partners have been stopped from expressing their anger and sadness through tears. Also, they believe that crying is an act of weakness and therefore they don’t respect the opposite gender. 

Dr. Ishinna Sadana is a certified parenting expert and empowers parents to find positive ways of raising happy children @https://www.instagram.com/dr.ishinnasadana/

7. Girls/Boys don’t do this-

It’s the 21st century. Gender stereotypes have been thrashed and broken multiple times. Many parents now are choosing gender-neutral parenting. 

Let your child do whatever they like doing irrespective of their gender. 

It can start with something simple like letting your daughters play with monster trucks and buy your son a kitchen playset if he wants. 

To read more about gender-neutral parenting, read https://infano.care/gender-neutral-parenting-parenting-beyond-stereotypes/

8. We can’t afford it- 

If you as a family ever face financial difficulties, think a lot before disclosing it to the children. 

Telling them that you can’t afford to buy a new toy for your kid is just not the right way to put it across, even as a casual joke. 

It may cause fear and inferiority complex in them and they may start hiding their genuine needs from you. 

Instead, try explaining that this will help you as a family to save for more important things. 

9. If you don’t listen to me I will….

Parents often use the threat as a last resort to get their kids to behave the way they want but it’s not a healthy and long-term plan. 

Also, it may backfire as kids get rebellious or its effect keeps on getting reduced.

Don’t instill unnecessary fears in a child’s mind to stop them from making mischief. 

We all carry one or the other fear of our childhood into our adult life. It may be a fear of insects, ghosts or even a policeman. 

Instead, tell them the reason you don’t want them to behave in a wrong way. 

10. Go give a hug or kiss to them- 

It looks adorable when tiny kids give a peck on your cheeks or hug you with their little arms. But don’t be in a misunderstanding, even infants and toddlers have a sense of comfort about their physical space. 

Learn to respect their space and body. 

Kids get the sense and vibes from others just like adults. Never force them to give a hug or kiss someone otherwise it may turn out very dangerous for the future. 

Set and learn to respect their boundaries from the youngest age.

Always ask for their consent and try to teach them a sense of good and bad touch. 

Ambica Agrawal is a parenting coach and she shares her wonderful insights through her instagram page @true_parenting_story

Child psychologists also believe that appreciating your kid at every small achievement with phrases like ‘good job’ can be detrimental to their emotional strength as they may get dependent on your appreciation for every little task. 

Be respectful towards their feelings and emotions. Practice non-violent parenting. 

What else do you think parents should refrain from saying to their kids? Share with us in the comments.

Suhani Sharma

Suhani is a Company Secretary by education but a writer by passion. She has studied film appreciation at FTII, Pune. She is an independent blogger and has been blogging on cinema for more than seven years.

She believes in open dialogues about the taboo subjects in society and with Infano she wants to encourage its readers to have a conversation around them.

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