Domestic Violence In Lesbian Relationships

Highlights

Identified as a growing social problem, violence in intimate lesbian partners includes sexual, physical, or psychological abuse.

Sadly, domestic violence in lesbian relationships is less likely to be reported to the police as many states and countries still do not recognize same-sex relationships and marriages.

Creating awareness ensures that those at the receiving end of the violence will have better access to services and, ultimately, get the help they need.

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Does the term “domestic violence” conjure up an image of a husband (physically or otherwise) abusing his wife? If you answered yes, like most of us, then we all have some re-thinking to do. The thing is, domestic violence in our country, and largely in the world as well, is always assumed to be violence taking place in a heterosexual relationship. However, recent studies show that rates of domestic violence among same-sex partners can be equal if not at a higher level than heterosexual ones.

Often, calls for help from abused partners in same-sex relationships tend to be ignored by authorities. The matter isn’t considered “serious”. But why is this so? And what can be done to change this? In this article, I’ll be digging deep into domestic violence, particularly in lesbian relationships, hoping to throw some light and create awareness about this issue.

What is Lesbian Partner Violence & What Are Its Causes?

Identified as a growing social problem, violence in intimate lesbian partners includes sexual, physical, or psychological abuse. Although, according to researchers, physical violence is more prevalent.

Firstly, it’s essential to know where the violence stems from and what are the possible causes. Some experts believe that same-sex relationships are the subject of added stressors. These stressors can be internal and external. External stressors are a result of society’s ill-treatment and discrimination towards the LGBT community.

On the other hand, internal stressors are the ones more harmful and damaging. It is when the abuser projects negative feelings and attitudes about themselves onto their partner. And in most cases, the person subjected to abuse begins to believe that they deserve the violence due to all the internalized negative beliefs they have about themselves!

Is Lesbian Domestic Violence Reported To The Police?

Sadly, domestic violence in lesbian relationships is less likely to be reported to the police. A common reason for this is that many states and countries still do not recognize same-sex relationships and marriages. The law fails to protect lesbian partners. Thus, the person abused is reluctant to report the violence in fear of coming out as homosexual and receiving prejudicial treatment.

And even if someone does report it, the complaint may not be taken seriously by authorities and legal bodies. And, the reason for that? The common misconceptions we have in society about violence in general. We often think of violence as that propagated by a man or someone with more physical strength onto the woman. Unfortunately, this prejudice does more harm than that.

When violence in a lesbian relationship gets reported, it’s somehow always assumed that the partner who has more physical strength or who is more butch is the one who’s at fault. But this is absolutely untrue. Abuse has more to do with power and control and less to do with muscularity and physical might. It’s time we learn/unlearn to equate violence perpetration with men and masculinity.

What Can We Do To Help?

Activists say that raising awareness of the problem of abuse in same-sex relationships can be particularly helpful. Creating awareness ensures that those at the receiving end of the violence will have better access to services and, ultimately, get the help they need. Some liberal and progressive states in the US such as Massachusetts have introduced various fundings and provisions to ensure gay victims of domestic violence receive the same access and help that a heterosexual person would receive.

To imagine the same happening in India is, of course, not an overnight dream. Especially in a country where merely acknowledging and accepting same-sex relationships is frowned upon, providing help to victims in such relationships can be far-fetched.

But I firmly believe that when people come together, change happens. If you’re looking to help, start by looking out for the people around you. Someone you know is going through something similar, and they confide in you? Let them know that they can call and rely on you for help in any way.

The silence that has existed around lesbian relationships, and now around their domestic violence issues, is the biggest threat here. The various myths, fears, taboos, and discrimination have prevented this from becoming the subject of a public discussion. It’s high time you and I speak up and break this silence, shall we?

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While growing up, the only chapter that I read related to sex was on reproduction in biology — 10th grade — it covered all the possible aspects of the human body and hardly dedicated two pages to sexual intercourse! Besides, the way it explained everything and was further elaborated by our teacher was everything but not what it was supposed to be — probably because of the controversial and scandalous image of the word ‘sex’!

I belong to that generation of women where every sexual thought was either of dominating, rape, assault or a marriage ritual — it wasn’t a happy or natural activity at all!!

While growing up, I realised that ‘sex’ was considered a sin to talk about but a duty to perform after marriage — virginity was a bonus point to your character certificate, and marital rape didn’t exist at all. And, somehow, it still holds true today.

Even today, while watching or reading news about rapes, our sanskarik adults curse the culprit but do not accept that there is a dire need of considering sex education in the curriculum. There is a dire need of talking about sex, vagina, penis, menstruation, etc. with the children and channelising their ‘good’ and ‘bad’ thoughts.

Not knowing and understanding these thoughts can lead youngsters to have weird or unwanted desires resulting in peculiar indifferences or unethical acts.

Sex is normal and important, and so should be sex education. Youngsters need to understand that they are not suggested to jump in bed with someone at this age but shouldn’t be ashamed when they decide to do it as responsible consenting adults.

Here’s why sex education important!

31% of the total population (2.3 million people over 15 years) are infected with AIDS/HIV.

Only 45% of young men and 28% of young women are aware of HIV/AIDS, its consequences and its prevention.

8% of unmarried women are not aware of even a single means of contraception and protection.

62% of young girls, even below 15 years, become mothers after getting married off to older men in many parts of rural and semi-urban India.

Approximately 50% of boys and girls face sexual abuse in their young lives as per a survey by the Ministry of Women and Child Development.

2 out of 3 girls are completely clueless when they begin menstruating.

Sex education helps in learning about the mental, physical, emotional and social aspects of sexuality by making children and teenagers aware about their physical well being, health, hygiene, dignity and also enhances their skills, knowledge, attitudes and social values which further helps them in developing respectful social and sexual relationships.

While we may argue about morals and ethics and refrain from talking about sex and sexuality — proper sex education do help in

Increasing young people’s awareness and enhancing their approach to sexual and reproductive health and behaviours.

Reducing risky sexual activities and STDs/HIV infection rates.

Making a more gender-neutral environment and accepting others’ sexual preferences.

The list can be long and endless, but the end goal is making our youngsters less vulnerable and more aware of something which is completely normal and not just a taboo!

Countries are rapidly acknowledging the importance of sex education, and it’s time for us to make a move — make responsible choices and impactful actions. Sex education and the right to know about sex is as important than any other human rights.

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