Stealthing; A Breach of Consent

Spread the love

Making love to your partner with consent is the most cherished activity. Sexual pleasure is not restricted to a mere physical activity but also involves sharing of emotions, feelings, and deepest thoughts. It becomes more enjoyable when mixed with a perfect blend of correct techniques and positions.

Often partners consent to the protected sex with a condom on during the sexual activity. But here is a catch, Even though a partner has consented for protected sex only, yet they are at the risk of stealthing making them susceptible to STIs or getting pregnant.

What is Stealthing?

Stealing is an act of non-consensual condom removal, where a partner stealthily removes the condom without knowing their partner who has consented to protected sex only. Yes you head that right.

Now, Why do people stealth?

There are myriad reasons for a sex partner to stealth, some of them can be-

To get their partner pregnant and stuck in a relationship.
Some rationalize it by saying it feels good without a condom
Their are some archaic and mysoginistic ideas that back stealthing such as’ It is a man’s right’, ‘It is a man’s natural instinct’ or women deserve to get impregnated’.

Implication of stealthing

The coercive act of stealthing not only affects the physical health of the victim but has various mental health implication. It might cause depression, anxiety and excerbate to the level of self-harm. Such a coercive behaviour maybe therefore regarded as rape or sexual assault or sometimes a form of reproductive coercion.

“I was really angry, emotional, and confused. I texted the guy but he didn’t think it was a big deal and told me it was only about £50 to get an abortion – but it changed so much in my life.

“In the end I decided to get a termination but it was a very difficult decision to make – I beat myself up about it so much because I wanted a baby but knew it wasn’t the right circumstances.”

Gemma did report her experience to the police, but the case wasn’t taken any further.

“I actually went to them when I realised it is rape and because I got pregnant.”

She says the police spoke to the man but said there wasn’t enough evidence as it was “my word against his and he denied it”. As Gemma told BBC

How can you protect yourself against stealthing?

A relationship is primarily based on mutual trust and consent but the act of stealthing involves the breach of both trust and consent. Thus, to keep yourself safe from such a coercive act. Take care of the following things-

1. Before going for sexual intercourse make sure you take along your own condom.

2. Prior to sexual activity make it explicitly clear that you are consenting for protected sex only.

3. Ask your partner to ejaculate outside your body(even with a condom on)

Legal aids against stealthing

The legal status of stealthing in India remains unclear due to the absence of legal precedence. It is covered in the Indian Penal Code(IPC) under rape. But only if a woman explicitly states that she has consented to protected sex only. However the law in India deals only with consent, It’s black and white. It doesn’t have a finesse that can make such an act punishable.

However, In countries such as Germany and the UK stealthing is punishable as a form of sexual violence.

Stealthing should be legally considered as a kind of sexual assault, but also reviewed the difficulties in doing so: In all legal areas, breaking an agreement usually is not considered a crime, and misrepresenting one’s true intentions does not make a sexual act illegal. Thus, the most successful argument for making stealthing punishable would be the inherent pregnancy and the risk of STIs
Alexandra Brodsky(published in Columbia Journal of Gender and Law)

If you have ever been a victim of stealthing, Do not blame yourself. The moment you discover about immediately get yourself tested for STIs or pregnancy tests. And always remember to trust your gut! Even if you have a slight doubt about stealthing during sex, check it out immediately.

To read more about sexual health, Click

5 Changes In Vagina after childbirth

Vaginal Dryness

After birthing a baby, the elevated estrogen levels in your body drop. Estrogen is a clear lubricant fluid that keeps your vagina moist. Thus, nursing mothers experience extreme vaginal dryness as the tissue in the vagina shrink due to low levels of estrogen. On the other side, Women who are not nursing may recover their estrogen levels to normal within a few days post birth. Besides this vaginal dryness can make sex difficult and painful. As a solution, one can use a prescribed lubricant to pacify the pain.

Vaginal Soreness

It’s not actually the vagina that bears the soreness post the baby birth but the poor little perineum that bears the brunt. The perineum is an area between the vagina and the anus. As the baby passes through the birth canal your skin and muscles stretch. The perineum also tears during vaginal birth. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, Between 53 to 79 percent vaginal deliveries will cause some sort of tearing. Hence, It is not an issue of major concern.

Vaginal Discharge

You might often feel that you have peed your pants when you are postpartum however, this is actually the lochia that makes you feel so. Lochia is residual blood, mucus and tissue that comes from the vagina after childbirth. This discharge lasts for four to seven weeks changing colors from dark red, pink, and brown hue to eventually turning yellowish. The passing of a few blood clots in this discharge line is also normal.

Scar Tissue in Vagina

After childbirth it is normal to have scar tissue in the vagina. Such scar could be painful for some time however, it heals in due time. This might make sex a painful experience but one can use lube to reduce the friction.

Vagina gets wider after childbirth

Your vagina stretches beyond its normal shape during childbirth but doesn’t retain the exact pre-birth shape. Once it gets wider postpartum you may find it uneasy to use period products like tampons. It may be slid out slowly once you put it inside.

Some of these changes in your vagina may bother you to some extent. But you must know that these changes are not a matter of concern as such changes are pretty obvious post-delivery. Do not flinch from taking out any of your concerns with your doctor as they can help you better with any of these issues.

To read more such articles, Click Here.