Intimacy After Child Birth

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Sex after pregnancy happens, but it might be the last thing on your mind. However, exhaustion and vaginal soreness might take charge. Whether you feel as though intimacy is the last thing that strikes your mind or you are in the mood to have sex, you need to understand sex after childbirth. Pregnancy and delivery bring a lot of changes in your body as well as changes in your sex life. Your vaginal tissue becomes thinner and more sensitive after post-delivery hormonal changes. Your uterus, cervix, and vagina have to return to their normal size. Breastfeeding lowers the libido. Thus, your body needs some break after delivery.

Doctors recommend women should wait for four to six weeks after vaginal delivery, and you might need to wait longer if you had a C-section. You also need to take things slow even after the doctor has given you the clear to resume sexual activities. However, no definite timeline says how long you need to wait to have sex after childbirth. Apart from physical recovery, you need to adjust to a new family member, changes in your daily routine, and less sleep. In addition, returning to sex too early might increase your risk of complications such as urine infection and postpartum haemorrhage.

How does delivery affect sex?

After delivery, sex will feel different. In 2005, it was found that 83% of females experienced sexual problems in the first three months after delivery. The number reduces as the post-pregnancy months increase.

The most common problem with sex after childbirth are:

Thin vaginal tissue
Bleeding
Vaginal dryness
Pain
Soreness
Loss of elasticity in vaginal tissue
Loose muscle
Perineal tear or episiotomy
Low libido
Fatigue

Hormones play a major role in post-delivery recovery. Oestrogen drops to pre-pregnancy levels in the days immediately after childbirth. During breastfeeding, oestrogen levels sink. Estrogen acts as natural lubrication, so a low level of this hormone increases the likelihood of vaginal dryness, which leads to irritation and even bleeding during sex. Resuming sex too soon might increase your risk of infection.

Caesarean delivery also affects vaginal sensation. The hormonal issue can make the vagina tissue dry and thin, resulting in painful sex. After C-section delivery, you’ll also need to make sure the incision site has been healed before resuming sex.

How soon can you get pregnant?

It was found that the first ovulation for women is around 6 weeks who weren’t breastfeeding, and some ovulated even earlier. After delivery, if you are breastfeeding, the hormonal benefits of nursing act as a natural form of birth control for 4-6 months.

Breastfeeding may be 98% effective in terms of birth control in women who:
~ haven’t started menstruating
~ are breastfeeding their child
~ are less than 6 months postpartum

You can also plan to use a reliable method of birth control if you are going to have sex after delivery and don’t want to have another child so soon.

Is bleeding normal during sex after normal delivery?

Whether you had a vaginal delivery or a C-section, postpartum bleeding is a normal part of recovery as your uterus heals. Bleeding shows how your body is getting rid of extra tissue, blood, and mucus, which is needed during pregnancy. You might also experience bleeding after having sex due to vaginal dryness. Wait for a few days. Consult your doctor if the bleeding doesn’t stop within 4-6 weeks. You may have signs of an infection or irritation that needs to be treated before having intercourse again.

How to get back into sex after childbirth?

Set the mood – Whatever it requires to set your mood and relax- a massage, candles, or a glass of wine – do it.
Start doing Kegels – Start doing your Kegels before you have sex. These exercises will engage and strengthen your pelvic floor, promote healing, improve muscle tone and increase blood flow. Doing so can help sex feel more comfortable once you are ready.
Take time to warm up – Don’t feel shy or afraid about saying what does and doesn’t feel good. Ask your partner to put in some effort to warm you up, making the main event better for both partners.
Get comfortable – Get some postpartum sex helpers, such as a supportive pillow that will help you feel more comfortable in certain sex positions and alleviate pressure points.
Lubricate – Many women find lubricant to be essential when having sex after delivery. Lubricant helps in reducing pain and increases pleasure.
Assume the position – Take time to identify the positions that feel good. Try those positions that will put less pressure on tender areas and offer control over the depth of penetration while having penetrative sex.

Ways to maintain intimacy after having a baby

Make small gestures – Small gestures such as a kiss, hug, an email about what turns you on, and a note all will help deliver results.
Get naked – Practising skin-to-skin with your partner will make you feel more connected. Hoping in the shower with your partner once your baby is asleep might as well turn it into an opportunity to spend some time together.
Schedule intimacy – Schedule some time for intimacy, just time to be together with your partner and have an intimate conversation, even if it doesn’t involve having sex.
Find some alone time – Even if you are not in the mood to have sex, try to spend some alone time with your partner without your baby. You can do this either in the morning or after your baby is sleeping.
Leave the bedroom – Try spicing things up by making love in another part of your home rather than in bed. Try the couch area, laundry room, or any other area of your home where you feel comfortable.
Get playful – Experiment with new toys together rather than your vibrator. You can also try erotic games or role-playing.

Give yourself some time to adjust to your new normal after pregnancy. It’s okay if you are not feeling ready for sex for a few months after delivery. Always remember you are not alone. Apart from sex, there are many other ways to be intimate with your partner that will make you feel comfortable.

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I belong to Nainital, a small town in the state of Uttarakhand. To start with, just after 15 days of being born, I was abandoned by my mother in the hospital just because I was a girl child. My parents had separated because of differences in marriage.

My father was suggested by family members to give me up for adoption as it was not convenient for a man to raise a girl child. My father bluntly refused the suggestion, slashing existing stereotypes back in those days. My relatives took care of me in the first few years.

But because of ever-growing family disputes, I was shifted to Nainital where my father was a teacher in Birla Vidya Mandir School.

Sometimes school teachers and sometimes neighbours who were close would take care of me there. Given the scenario, I had to learn to become independent at a very young age. as with growing age, I found it difficult to even take care of my nutrition because of which my immunity was affected too.

But the good part was I used to get a lot of time to play around as there was no one to call me out for my studies for most of the times. Soon after relocating, I started studying at Birla Vidya Mandir School in Nainital, where my father was a teacher and it was a boy’s school.

How This Nainital Entrepreneur Defied Societal Rules To Follow Her Dreams! — The Nainital Entrepreneur

This had a very positive effect on me as the experience gave me enough exposure to become an extrovert. But sadly, I could never bond with my brother as he used to live with my mother.

But as fate would have it, there was yet another surprise for me. As a motherless child and due to family and societal pressure and manipulation, I was married off early when I was barely 18 years old. This was done on the presumption that the rest of my life would become easier and smoother.

But God had different plans for me as I suffered grave disturbances in my marriage as well. The person I got married to happened to be involved in illegal business deals and connections. My father decided to take me back to Nainital, my hometown when we found out that everything that we were told was a big fraud and hence my family filed for divorce. I REMEMBER I WAS very sad and was battling DEPRESSION…..during days….because of the given circumstances. Then again my father and I faced societal pressure to not go for divorce as it would be difficult for me to handle things alone.

My father tried to give a chance to the guy and his family and so under pressure, I went back to stay with him for a week. What happened next tore me up mentally. I WAS NOT READY for any physical relationship with that man who was STILL my husband, for the namesake. Hence I faced MARITAL RAPE which in our so-called society doesn’t come in the CATEGORY OF RAPE. Trust me, even I wasn’t aware of what it was. I went back to Nainital.

My depression got worse. I attempted suicide thrice but in vain and then I came to know that I was 3 months pregnant. As my body was extremely weak at that time and my immune system wasn’t that strong, besides, my haemoglobin was around 5.8, so abortion wasn’t an option.

I had to undergo several medical procedures to stabilize my health and pregnancy. With time then, my daughter was born in Nainital and she was the only source of motivation for me to move forward and do something about my life but my mental health still wasn’t cured. My daughter was barely two and a half years old when I left her with my father and moved to a close town Rudrapur for work.

I worked in a bank for a year but I wasn’t satisfied there. I decided to move to Delhi where I tried my luck in different careers. Then my father decided to send me and my daughter to Canada where they were looking for a second option for my marriage.

I requested my family to give me some more time before all the formalities were completed. Nothing in my life comes easy. Not even my career. Then in 2014, I moved to the city of dreams as they call it (Mumbai) in search of the peace and tranquillity. I was searching for, and there it was all this while right in front of my eyes and I couldn’t see it, the only thing that gave me immense pleasure had always been health and fitness.

I decided to explore my career fitness industry as I was good in sports since childhood. I dedicated myself fully to accomplishing my goals. It felt as if the child inside me screamed with joy to have found it’s lost home yet again. I felt alive after many years.

Mumbai gave me one more thing. As a struggler in Mumbai with no knowledge in the fitness industry, I joined a few classes like yoga n martial arts and thereafter i joined a gym club where I met my partner, Shashank. He also belonged to Uttarakhand and we connected on commonalities and soon became great friends. He was senior to me in the industry as I was a fresher. He gave me the guidance I was lacking from so many years and showed me the path that I should follow. Our bonding became stronger with time. Thereafter, there is no stopping till date.

Soon I started competing in many private competitions and attended many fitness expos with Shashank and educated myself. Today I am an MBA graduate, an Internationally certified personal trainer, Internationally certified kettlebell, National Champion in powerlifting, Strongest Woman of India 2018, co-founder of Mountstrong Personal Fitness Studio with my partner in Dehradun, and a known woman in Nainital.

The hope that I had lost in marriage, life and relationships were alive again. My partner has been the biggest support system all this while and he has been my guiding light in true sense. Today, I am happily married to him and have settled down with him along with my daughter.

1) Please follow a very regular healthy lifestyle and fitness regime. You don’t need expensive workout gear, fancy shoes and supplements to get healthy. Basic 30 minutes of brisk walk and organic wholesome diet is enough to stay fit. Nut fruits and 5 litres plus water intake with regular workout frequency is the key to keep your organs active and boost your immunity.

2) Good health is not just the absence of diseases or illness. It’s a state of complete physical mental and social well being. This means eating a balanced diet, getting regular exercises, avoid alcohol, tobacco etc which will help prevent anxiety and depression also.

3) I believe in the strength of will power and consistency. And that’s what I say to other people as well. It has not only improved my physical strength but also my mental strength. I never imagined myself lifting weights or setting national and state records. With whatever little rollercoaster adventure my life has been since my birth I can say it with my conviction that life is never easy for anyone but we have got to take all the misfortunes with a pinch of salt and never give up on ourselves! They also say: “Winners never quit, and quitters never win.”

I will soon be representing Asia in the powerlifting category and I am looking forward to winning the world powerlifting championship in the coming year!

4) Please believe and practice the mantra of learning and growing every day of your life. I know you all are young and maybe some of you don’t have a deep appreciation and inclination towards spirituality YET. I am not too far in age from you all. YET my saviour in the darkest times was TRUST FAITH that we must never give up.

5) Last I will say is: HAVE An unshakable spirit and the power of resilience! When it comes to health and fitness, my plan is to reach out to as many young girls as I can to make them reach their potential without having to sacrifice on their happiness and make informed choices

I am sharing my story in the hope that even if one woman who’s gone through or is going through the same or even grave ordeal as I have feels inspired by my tale and can bring about a change in their lives I will be glad, all I want to say is I HAVE walked this path….and IF I CAN DO IT….SO CAN YOU. No matter what life throws at you STAY POSITIVE….GIVE your loved ones a chance to LOVE you unconditionally.

As told to the author.