Love, Sex, and Sex Toys

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Love making, coitus, intercourse, mating, call it what you want- sex is an act which is natural and pleasurable and there is nothing to be ashamed about that. If you are one of those who thinks that sex is only an act to be performed for reproduction, then please look away because this article might make you uncomfortable to the level 1000.

For all the others, hello there! If you enjoy sex as a consensual, pleasurable act and if you are adventurous and are willing to heighten your pleasure levels with your partner, or self, with some sex toys, then this article is going to be helpful.

Sexual aids, adult toys and what that means

These are objects that aid in sexual intercourse or masturbation and help increase or add to pleasure. These can be used by different people for different reasons and purposes- for example not just by healthy adults but even by people who may have sexual dysfunction, disorders, medical condition, or have trouble having or enjoying sex. So let’s be a little open and inclusive. People with limited mobility, gender dysphoria can all use a little help from sexual aids as these issues can be physically, emotionally, and psychologically draining.

While there are many different types of sex toys used for various purposes, let’s look at some of the more common ones here and how to use them.

Vibrators

Most popular and common, these are objects that vibrate to stimulate your genitals like clitoris, vulva, vagina. However, vibrators can also stimulate the penis, scrotum and testicles, nipples, and anus and can be equally pleasurable for all genders. Vibrators come in all shapes and sizes some can go inside a vagina or anus, and some others are for external stimuli.

Dildos

These are objects that go inside a vagina, anus, or mouth and are shaped more or less like a penis and can come in different shapes and sizes. Some may be curved, to help stimulate your g-spot or prostate while others may have an extra protrusion for clitoral stimulation. They are made from different materials, like silicone, rubber, plastic, metal, or, break-resistant glass.

Anal beads and Butt Plugs

These are toys made specifically for the anus. They are designed to stimulate and/or go inside your anus and needs lubricants to use them. If a sex toy goes all the way inside your butt, it could get stuck and you may have to go to the doctor to get it out.

Sleeves

Soft tubes that you put your penis into are known as masturbation sleeves, penis sleeves, or strokers. They are available in different shapes, sizes and textures on the inside for more sensation. Some may even have vibration or suction.

Penis rings

These go around the scrotum and/or penis. Penis rings slow blood flow out of the penis when it’s erect (hard), which can increase sensation, or make your erection harder and longer-lasting however these should not be used for more than 30 minutes. They are made from materials that you can easily remove, like silicone, rubber, or leather with snaps. Some penis rings come with vibrators to stimulate you and/or your partner. People with a bleeding disorder or on blood-thinning medicine should consult a doctor before use.

Pumps

These come with a hand or battery-powered pump to create suction around your penis, clitoris, vulva, or nipples. Pumps drive blood flow to the area, which helps increase sensitivity and sensation. Some people also like the feeling of the suction. Penis pumps can help you get an erection and can help treat certain erectile and sexual dysfunction like the ones available in medical stores.

Kegel Balls or Ben Wa balls

Round objects that you put inside your vagina. They can help you do exercises that tone and strengthen your Kegel muscles. Kegel balls are usually weighted so you have to squeeze your vagina to keep them inside your body. Some are hollow with smaller balls inside that roll and bounce when you move, making a jiggling sensation and heighten arousal.

Packers or Peggers

These are prosthetic objects that look and feel like a penis and comes with a harness or a strap-on. Many trans, genderqueer, nonbinary, and gender-nonconforming people use packers to help affirm or express their gender identity. Like with anyone’s genitals, packers aren’t always sexual or used for sex. But some packers can be worn bent down or sticking up, so they can resemble both an erect (hard) and non-erect (soft) penis and can be used for sex.

Harness

Harnesses or strap-on are garments that hold a pegger, dildo, or another sex toy against your body. Some are worn like underwear or jockstraps, and others may go around the waist or thighs. Strap-on dildos can be used by people of any gender or sexuality. A strap-on dildo can be used for a wide variety of sexual activities, including vaginal sex, anal sex, pegging, oral sex, or solo or mutual masturbation.

Aftercare

How you take care of the hygiene and cleanliness before and after using a sexual aid is very important to avoid STDs and infections. Always clean the object as instructed in its manual before and after using it and store it accordingly.

Wash your sex toys with mild soap and water after you use them, and before they touch another person’s genitals. Putting condoms on sex toys can help keep them clean and prevent the spread of STDs. Just make sure you change condoms before the toy touches another person’s genitals.

You may need a lot of lubricants if you are using any toys for inserting in the vagina or anus, so invest in a good brand. The anus, unlike the vagina is not self lubricating so it will need some help there. Also they should be made of body-safe, non-porous materials like silicone (not silicone blends), hard plastic, stainless steel, aluminum, and break-resistant glass because these are easier to disinfect and keep clean.

Things to keep in mind

While this list is not exhaustive, it may be overwhelming to the uninitiated to learn about them. A lot of reading, learning, and discussion with your sexual partner needs to be involved before investing in one. And it will also take a lot of trial and error and experimenting before you can decide which works for you.

Needless to say, these come in various brands and pricing, and therefore it’s always best to read reviews before deciding. Most online store and physical shop addresses are available with an online search so do your research before you decide what and where you would like to buy it from.

Also, what works for one may not work for another and that’s okay. This list is not a guide to sex toys so make sure to follow the instructions on the packaging or do thorough research before indulging in these. Also remember, if this involves a partner, then their consent is important. Consult a sex counselor or sex therapist for further guidance.

Source plannedparenthood.org

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I belong to Nainital, a small town in the state of Uttarakhand. To start with, just after 15 days of being born, I was abandoned by my mother in the hospital just because I was a girl child. My parents had separated because of differences in marriage.

My father was suggested by family members to give me up for adoption as it was not convenient for a man to raise a girl child. My father bluntly refused the suggestion, slashing existing stereotypes back in those days. My relatives took care of me in the first few years.

But because of ever-growing family disputes, I was shifted to Nainital where my father was a teacher in Birla Vidya Mandir School.

Sometimes school teachers and sometimes neighbours who were close would take care of me there. Given the scenario, I had to learn to become independent at a very young age. as with growing age, I found it difficult to even take care of my nutrition because of which my immunity was affected too.

But the good part was I used to get a lot of time to play around as there was no one to call me out for my studies for most of the times. Soon after relocating, I started studying at Birla Vidya Mandir School in Nainital, where my father was a teacher and it was a boy’s school.

How This Nainital Entrepreneur Defied Societal Rules To Follow Her Dreams! — The Nainital Entrepreneur

This had a very positive effect on me as the experience gave me enough exposure to become an extrovert. But sadly, I could never bond with my brother as he used to live with my mother.

But as fate would have it, there was yet another surprise for me. As a motherless child and due to family and societal pressure and manipulation, I was married off early when I was barely 18 years old. This was done on the presumption that the rest of my life would become easier and smoother.

But God had different plans for me as I suffered grave disturbances in my marriage as well. The person I got married to happened to be involved in illegal business deals and connections. My father decided to take me back to Nainital, my hometown when we found out that everything that we were told was a big fraud and hence my family filed for divorce. I REMEMBER I WAS very sad and was battling DEPRESSION…..during days….because of the given circumstances. Then again my father and I faced societal pressure to not go for divorce as it would be difficult for me to handle things alone.

My father tried to give a chance to the guy and his family and so under pressure, I went back to stay with him for a week. What happened next tore me up mentally. I WAS NOT READY for any physical relationship with that man who was STILL my husband, for the namesake. Hence I faced MARITAL RAPE which in our so-called society doesn’t come in the CATEGORY OF RAPE. Trust me, even I wasn’t aware of what it was. I went back to Nainital.

My depression got worse. I attempted suicide thrice but in vain and then I came to know that I was 3 months pregnant. As my body was extremely weak at that time and my immune system wasn’t that strong, besides, my haemoglobin was around 5.8, so abortion wasn’t an option.

I had to undergo several medical procedures to stabilize my health and pregnancy. With time then, my daughter was born in Nainital and she was the only source of motivation for me to move forward and do something about my life but my mental health still wasn’t cured. My daughter was barely two and a half years old when I left her with my father and moved to a close town Rudrapur for work.

I worked in a bank for a year but I wasn’t satisfied there. I decided to move to Delhi where I tried my luck in different careers. Then my father decided to send me and my daughter to Canada where they were looking for a second option for my marriage.

I requested my family to give me some more time before all the formalities were completed. Nothing in my life comes easy. Not even my career. Then in 2014, I moved to the city of dreams as they call it (Mumbai) in search of the peace and tranquillity. I was searching for, and there it was all this while right in front of my eyes and I couldn’t see it, the only thing that gave me immense pleasure had always been health and fitness.

I decided to explore my career fitness industry as I was good in sports since childhood. I dedicated myself fully to accomplishing my goals. It felt as if the child inside me screamed with joy to have found it’s lost home yet again. I felt alive after many years.

Mumbai gave me one more thing. As a struggler in Mumbai with no knowledge in the fitness industry, I joined a few classes like yoga n martial arts and thereafter i joined a gym club where I met my partner, Shashank. He also belonged to Uttarakhand and we connected on commonalities and soon became great friends. He was senior to me in the industry as I was a fresher. He gave me the guidance I was lacking from so many years and showed me the path that I should follow. Our bonding became stronger with time. Thereafter, there is no stopping till date.

Soon I started competing in many private competitions and attended many fitness expos with Shashank and educated myself. Today I am an MBA graduate, an Internationally certified personal trainer, Internationally certified kettlebell, National Champion in powerlifting, Strongest Woman of India 2018, co-founder of Mountstrong Personal Fitness Studio with my partner in Dehradun, and a known woman in Nainital.

The hope that I had lost in marriage, life and relationships were alive again. My partner has been the biggest support system all this while and he has been my guiding light in true sense. Today, I am happily married to him and have settled down with him along with my daughter.

1) Please follow a very regular healthy lifestyle and fitness regime. You don’t need expensive workout gear, fancy shoes and supplements to get healthy. Basic 30 minutes of brisk walk and organic wholesome diet is enough to stay fit. Nut fruits and 5 litres plus water intake with regular workout frequency is the key to keep your organs active and boost your immunity.

2) Good health is not just the absence of diseases or illness. It’s a state of complete physical mental and social well being. This means eating a balanced diet, getting regular exercises, avoid alcohol, tobacco etc which will help prevent anxiety and depression also.

3) I believe in the strength of will power and consistency. And that’s what I say to other people as well. It has not only improved my physical strength but also my mental strength. I never imagined myself lifting weights or setting national and state records. With whatever little rollercoaster adventure my life has been since my birth I can say it with my conviction that life is never easy for anyone but we have got to take all the misfortunes with a pinch of salt and never give up on ourselves! They also say: “Winners never quit, and quitters never win.”

I will soon be representing Asia in the powerlifting category and I am looking forward to winning the world powerlifting championship in the coming year!

4) Please believe and practice the mantra of learning and growing every day of your life. I know you all are young and maybe some of you don’t have a deep appreciation and inclination towards spirituality YET. I am not too far in age from you all. YET my saviour in the darkest times was TRUST FAITH that we must never give up.

5) Last I will say is: HAVE An unshakable spirit and the power of resilience! When it comes to health and fitness, my plan is to reach out to as many young girls as I can to make them reach their potential without having to sacrifice on their happiness and make informed choices

I am sharing my story in the hope that even if one woman who’s gone through or is going through the same or even grave ordeal as I have feels inspired by my tale and can bring about a change in their lives I will be glad, all I want to say is I HAVE walked this path….and IF I CAN DO IT….SO CAN YOU. No matter what life throws at you STAY POSITIVE….GIVE your loved ones a chance to LOVE you unconditionally.

As told to the author.