One other thing which ruffles the feathers of some Indians after Love Jihad is the Public Display of Affection (PDA). The recent controversy surrounding the kissing scene from the web series, A Suitable Boy was enough to send some radicals reeling. It had all the ingredients present to hurt their sentiments- an unmarried interfaith couple, a kissing scene, and that too in a holy place of worship.
But the point they completely missed was that this was fiction from a piece of art, not even a real incident. However, this point was totally lost on the moral police who actually registered an FIR against the OTT producers.
While some are still figuring out whether to laugh or cry at this, one can’t help but wonder how these people are so selective in their choice of outrage? When Asifa and Alfiawere raped in temples by pujaris, this act was lost on the same people who are today raising a voice-over something which did not even happen in real life? How bizarre and misguided their ideals are, I wonder.
To prevent young people from falling in love out of their caste/religion, stopping them from indulging in consensual PDA, passing bills to stop interfaith marriages, seem to be more important. Throughout women’s history, men have only been setting rules and deciding what they should do right from what to wear, how to sit, what to say, who to love, who to marry, etc.
The fact that marriages can fail even between couples from the same caste/religion, domestic abuse, rapes, and sexual abuse happen inside and outside marriages, and children being raped and killed in places of worship is the reality seems lost on them and is completely ignored. Whereas, these are the issues that should make their blood boil, as actor Swara Bhaskar rightly pointed out.
India is the land of Kama sutra, a land with explicit sexual carvings on temple walls of Khajuraho, proclaiming and normalizing sex and sexuality. But the people of this country pretend that we don’t have sex. This is the biggest joke ever coming from one of the world’s most populated countries.
Say SEX loudly and you have probably embarrassed someone around you and made them go “Hawww”. Kissing as an act of love is deemed dirty but violence in the name of religion is allowed?!
Our misplaced ideals and priorities need to be questioned. Acts like filing an FIR for a fictional scene should be called out as should the people who have raised such an objection.
To pretend that the people of country are living their lives by their religious ideals, not indulging in sexual acts and are treating each other with great respect is the biggest hypocrisy ever. And the moral police remain as confused as ever on which battles to fight. *sighs*
Humzaad is a content writer who wishes to bring an alternate reality of the world to light with her writings. She talks about taboos and shunned topics often brushed under the carpet or discussed in hushed tones. Every writer has an alter ego and this profile is hers. Her writings often come with a trigger warning.
On other days you will find her gardening or making art. You can reach her at humzaadthewriter@gmail.com
Who knew a popcorn eating experience at a theatre would lead Neerja Malik to discover a lump in her breast as she picked up a fallen kernel off her clothes! Two times Breast cancer Survivor, Neerja’s journey has been one of the adversities at every turn but this woman, who I like to call “sunshine in a human form” has conquered all, emerging the winner that she is.
Neerja had already had a life with fertility woes and miscarriages before she conceived and gave birth to her twins. But in 1998, Neerja was diagnosed with cancer in her left breast.
“I think the term conqueror best defines me”, says Neerja. Warrior sound like an ongoing battle. Survivor or fighter sounds aggressive. “This was what my father advised me when I had told him that I am going to ‘fight’ cancer”.
“One day I felt a little bump on my left breast and then it went on to grow bigger over the next 10 days. When I met my doctor, he asked me to get an FMAC and a mammogram done. The bad news came just a day later after I had undergone the test. I didn’t react then. I was on auto-pilot. I hadn’t had time to deal with it yet.
“I was a very happy-go-lucky child. I was destined to be happy, everybody used to love me”, says Neerja. The diagnosis required Neerja to immediately start the treatment (surgeries, chemotherapy, and radiation). “It was when I overheard my husband uttering of the word cancer to inform my family that hit me hard and then I broke. I was so scared. Not of cancer or of death but I was scared for the future of my twins who were just 7 years old then”. Neerja cooked up a story for her kids as she went to Mumbai to get her treatment done.
“Usually in breast cancers, the lymph nodes start showing the symptoms first. There can be swellings under the armpit and they usually take out the lymph nodes from that particular side where the swellings have broken out. They removed 21 nodes from my armpit. The lump in my armpit was bigger than the lump in my breast. Nine of these nodes were tested malignant The left arm now could not be used for administering medicines or withdrawing blood.”
Breast Cancer survivor, not once but twice
But this was not over yet. There was more to come. “It was in 2004 when I learnt that my right breast was now affected. Though there were no lumps in my armpit, this time they had removed 38 nodes. However, not even one was found to be cancerous this time around. But the removal of lymph nodes made both my arms unusable for administration or withdrawal of blood so now they started using my foot for it”, recollects Neerja.
“They carried like this for some time before my veins completely collapsed. By 2018 I had got septicemia 3 times. Now doctors saw no option but to use the jugular vein in the neck for 10 weeks.” Septicemia is a serious bloodstream infection caused when bacteria enter it. It’s also known as blood poisoning. If not treated it can be life-threatening.
After her treatment in Mumbai, she came back to Chennai, her hometown. She had already started to counsel cancer patients who got inspiration from her story and positivity. She then started the Apollo Cancer Support group in 2004 just before March 8, International Women’s Day .
“I was always a very happy-go-lucky child, growing up. I was destined to be happy, everybody used to love me,” smiles the brave woman. For a woman with her personality, it is her never-say-die attitude that keeps her going through the ups and downs life throws at her. Neerja has smiled through it all. Of course, it wasn’t easy. The chemotherapy radiation sessions were the most difficult to endure.
But with her experience today she continues to touch many lives with her positive experience. Now a TedX speaker, Neerja has also authored a book “I Inspire” on her cancer journey.
“There are 10 treasures that I have found through my journey of life and I bear them in my heart wherever I go. Love, fun and laughter, God, faith, miracles, death, acceptance, gratitude, abundance, living in the here and now- these 10 treasures define me.”
Today, Neerja is a well-known woman in social circles and is known for her grit and endurance with hardships and her zest and zeal towards life. Her contribution and association with different organizations, most of which are cancer and women-related, have been multifold. She is now an independent counselor for cancer and terminally ill- patients. How she does it and still remains brave and positive through it all is a quality only a few possess.
“I turned the illness into an opportunity that opened up so many avenues for me. My fear for cancer to winning it- that phase made me an inspirational speaker. I have inspired a lot of people and there is sheer joy in it. I enjoy every moment of whatever I do and give my fullest to it”.
“Today I give counseling to not only the patients but their parents/ caregivers too as it is a joint effort to win a battle and for that, they need to be in a happy place- physically, mentally, and most importantly emotionally”. As a breast cancer survivor, Neerja must have given hundreds of motivational talks. “The digital platform has bridged the divide between the people across all continents and I have delivered talks to thousands of people across countries”.
People from all over the world have reached out to Neerja when they need emotional support. “I happily counsel them and I am grateful to God to make a difference in their lives. I feel there is a divine force that keeps me going. I am just an instrument.”
Neerja has won awards from various organizations for her social and philanthropic work, as a cancer crusader, and as a literary figure. She has been felicitated and awarded by Rotary International Literacy Mission, FICCI FLO, IBN7, Women Economic Forum, among others.
For more such inspiring stories on Infano, check our category HerStory.
Tasneem Akbari Kutubuddin has done her masters in Journalism & Communication and has worked as a senior journalist, editor and columnist for leading publications like The Logical Indian, Deccan Chronicle, Worldwide Media Corporation, The Bridge and Provoke.
With Infano, she hopes to create more awareness about women’s health issues. Suffering with Fibromyalgia, a chronic pain condition, she has also been advocating for its awareness through media.
