Here is why you feel horny

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The desire for sex is evolutionary and all living things are designed to reproduce in a way that is beyond our control. Everyone feels the need to have sex regardless of their sexual orientation or idea of procreation. When you see an object of desire, the hypothalamus in the brain fuels your lust, stimulating the sex hormones testosterone or estrogen from your testis or ovaries. That’s why some may have higher levels of sexual desire or feel ‘horny’ when they are ovulating or their estrogen production is high.

Libido or that horny feeling

Libido is a person’s overall sexual drive or desire for sexual activity. In psychoanalytic theory, libido is a psychic drive or energy, particularly associated with sexual instinct, but also present in other instinctive desires and drives. The World Health Organization (WHO) states that sexual health is a state of physical, emotional, mental, and social well-being in relation to sexuality. Libido is influenced by biological, psychological, and social factors and is also an indicator of a person’s overall well-being. Some people feel more horny than the others

What happens during sex?

As sexual activity begins certain parts of the brain like the pre-frontal cortex stops functioning and cuts you off from rational behavior and self-awareness which makes you feel like you are losing control of yourself. At the same time, the cerebellum flares up its activity making you feel emotionally connected to your sexual partner. It also increases muscle tension in the body which results eventually in orgasm. During an orgasm 30 different regions of your brain go wild along with the hypothalamus and nucleus accumbens, speeding up functions of many systems in the bodies and heightening their function, especially those of the respiratory and circulatory system along with the genitals. and tightens parts of your body.

The brain’s reward/ pleasure center receives 1000s of signals from the nervous system and this may last from 10 to 20 seconds and calms quickly. Some other regions of your body get cut off which gives you an out the body feeling.

The pituitary gland gives you the afterglow and also creates a lazy feeling. Oxytocin and other mood boosters are also secreted making you feel a bond and also make you feel relaxed and happy for long after the moment.

What physical factors give you the urge to have sex?

Sexual interests and turn-ons are different for everyone. Everyone has sexual urges — some more than others. A thought of intimacy, a feeling of emotional bonding, the smell of your partner’s perfume, their touch can all be a response to make you feel a sudden sexual urge.

Hormones

These are the most important reason for sexual arousals. A spike in the hormones testosterone in men and estrogen in women is significantly responsible for a sexual urge. So the more hormonal you are, the hornier you may feel and also have more sexual desire compared to the urges. For women, this may also be dependent on the ovulation period of their menstrual cycles when estrogen peaks.

Foods

Certain foods can stimulate a sexual urge and are also known as aphrodisiacs. Fenugreek, herbs like ginseng and gingko biloba, pistachio, saffron, chocolates, oysters, honey are all well-known aphrodisiacs.

Alcohol

Alcohol sometimes helps men and women to relax and get in the mood by losing their inhibitions. But high alcohol intake can also reduce arousal and sexual function. The same applies to drugs.

Pregnancy

Pregnancy also stimulates certain hormones along with creating pressure on the clitoris, vagina, and urethra, making you feel aroused. This also happens when the bladder is full and pressure on those sensitive areas can be arousing.

Reasons people have sex

Sex may be the reason for procreation but we don’t have sex always with an intention to reproduce. Dr. Vinod Chebbi, sex therapist and marital counselor, director of Medisex Foundation Bangalore, is the first in India to combine psychotherapy and couples therapy into a comprehensive therapy model. According to him, these are also the reasons why people of all sexual orientations engage in sexual activity with their loved ones and this is the biggest proof that sex is not a practice for only having children.

Sleep Relief

It aids you to sleep because of the release of hormones like endorphins, serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine. This chemical cocktail gives you a feeling of relaxation. It helps you to calm down and gives a feel-good happy feeling thus helping you combat stress and helps you to sleep better.

Sex creates an understanding between two partners

Sex helps partners come physically and emotionally closer and helps to strengthen bonding between them. Having a baby is different from becoming a mother. This is a gender role and so is becoming a father. It is a great way of communication and intimacy. The four ways of communication for partners are verbal, non-verbal, doing activities together and having sex. Skin being the largest organ in the body, it has the most physical connection during sex through touch giving somatic experience. So sex serves as an intimate connection and nothing comes closer to that.

Sex gives fulfillment

It makes you seek to complete any incomplete relationships that one may have in their life especially their childhood issues. It may have different experiences and connotations and meanings for the same people with different partners.

It creates connection or attachment with people

Secure, insecure, childhood traumas can develop from patriarchal issues. You are so mean to me but you mean so much to me. They need sex to be calm safe so they will indulge with people with whom they feel safe.

Give you validation

Sex is a powerful feeling that makes you feel alive, gives you Validation and companionship. A part of your existence comes out during sex. People exist because another person validates them. So you validate yourself through a relationship with another person and sex is one form of that. It gives you an identity.

When is it not normal?

Sex drive or a good libido is actually an indicator of good health. But when this gets in the way of your normal life and starts affecting your routine, work, socializing, or health aspects, you should seek help from a doctor, sex therapist, or health professional. This could be signs of a hypersexual disorder. Having regular sex, masturbation, exercise, and finding other creative ways to indulge and keep busy may also help take the mind of the constant need for sex and arousal.

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The adults running the world, hurrying through their lives, basking in all the glories of their accomplishments are in reality living a myth. Their strings are pulled by their tiny human beings. The little beings who in all their might may test our patience and are completely capable of driving us crazy with our parenting.

Adults have control in their actions and their lives but most of the time they become helpless when it comes to their kids.

The powerful professionals in their lives go clueless when it comes to handling kids and their tantrums. Modern lifestyle’s stress, living in constant short of time and patience and inability to understand the behavioural patterns of kids often progresses into resorting to non-violent methods of parenting.

Violence towards kids can be of two kinds- physical and verbal.

We parents are in a strange hurry to align our children’s behaviour with us as adults. Sometimes we are a victim of our unrealistic expectations and sometimes we are forced to do so because of societal pressure on seeing other kids behaving more according to our expectations.

Moreover, pandemic, the virus and its stress and kids being confined to their homes have accentuated this problem multifold. But a violent action be it a little spank or yelling can only be a temporary solution to a comparatively long term problem.

This all may sound problematic but there are some methods by which a violent parenting procedure can be prevented altogether.

Here are a few tips to help you practice non-violent parenting.

1. Practice calmness and patience.

We all know how the famous quote goes like- “Life is 10% of what happens and 90% of how we react to it.” This can be very well applied to the behaviour of our kids and our reaction to it.
Teaching them the behaviour that is acceptable and what is not a lifelong process and being patient and practising calm will just make it smooth. The onus is on us and losing our calm will only make it difficult. Practising meditation and calm on a daily basis will prepare us for parenthood.

2. Keep your expectations realistic

Align your expectation with the reality of the age and nature of the kids. Crying, creating a mess, examining things, trying to be self-dependent are all part of the development phase age-wise.

3.Work on the environment

A toddler will cruise through different things at once. They will cause accidents, throwing things on the floor, tearing or breaking stuff. Curiosity is their first nature. It is our job to keep the precious and harmful things away from their reach and constantly supervise them. Childproofing will save them from injury and you from the stress of cleaning.
Introduce them to the household stuffs one at a time, observe their behaviour around them and if necessary remove them and reintroduce them later.

4.Focus on the right, ignore the bad.

While ignoring their mischief if it’s not injurious to them is a good approach, meanwhile appreciating them for the positive behaviour will encourage them to easily shift into constructive conduct from a destructive one.

Likewise, positive language can make magic happen whereas, always using negative language can turn into nagging. Instead of ‘Don’t yell’ say ‘Please talk softly’ or instead of saying ‘Don’t throw the food’ say ‘Eat nicely’.

5.Timeout.

Timeout is one of the most effective methods to calm down an out of control child. Timeout is cutting off a kid yelling or throwing tantrums from the scene of the crime (here, destruction) to a safe, peaceful space and telling them briefly why they are brought there and they have to wait there till they correct it. Keeping the communication as brief as possible and leaving them alone will give them a chance to slow down and think about it.
There is no standard time fixed for the time out, it depends on the age with one minute for each child’s age. Once they come out of a timeout, stick to keeping the communication as short as possible, better leaving the matter to die on its own.

5. Distract

Distracting works easily for toddlers as their attention span is quite short and their curiosity makes them shift their attention quickly but it’s tricky when it comes to preschoolers and grade-schoolers and almost futile with teens.
It needs practice and understanding of the likes, dislikes and tendencies of the child.

6. Ditch the power struggle.

You are not in a competition with your kids and you don’t have to win every time. It’s better to curb the need for immediate action. Sometimes it’s also important to let them have their way otherwise it can lead to a rebellion without a cause.

7. Guess the unattended needs.

Many times the tantrum comes from unattended or unspoken needs. Listen to them genuinely and ask what they want. Some of the toddlers are too young to express what they need and the understanding of it comes with time. Show empathy when they share their needs in the form of concerns, fears and demands.

8. Enable them to choose.

If the kids are going out of hand while demanding and nagging, give them a choice but both choices should be safe and right. For example, give them a choice to finish the assignment now or early in the morning before school. But make sure that they stick to their choice.

9. Keep a poker face.

The less you communicate, keeping a straight face the quicker they will calm down. Avoid yelling for yelling and nagging for nagging, instead look at their eyes and calmly tell them your instruction.

10. Be a role model

Children are masters in imitation. Be very careful of what kind of example are you setting before them. Adults have control in their actions and their lives but most of the time they become helpless when it comes to their kidsIf you want them to read more and be less on-screen then take you have to keep your phone locked inside and take out time to read with them. Practice speaking softly amongst the family if you want them to not yell.

To err is parent. If on any bad day you chose any violent method of communication while dealing with your kid then owe it up entirely without putting any blame on them. Apologize and accept your mistake, take a break, care for your mental health and once again make an effort to practice non-violent parenting.

Note- The author is not an expert in studying child behavior. She is a mom to a toddler and is practising these methods to prevent any violent communication in parenting