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Two Decades Of Eyewitnessing Sexual Abuse: I Know It Will Not Stop Ever!

Written By: Sonali
August 22, 2020
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I was walking down the main road in a tier 3 city along with my friend when two men on a bike rushed against us, turned again and almost pulled my friend’s dupatta — though we managed to save her, we couldn’t get a hold of those men. We froze for almost a minute before grasping everything that happened with us.

It’s been a decade since that incident, and I still look out for bikes and stay aware while walking such roads.

My cousin had to board an overcrowded bus once only to face off a stinking drunk man who was ‘just’ trying to tell her how beautiful she was. Apparently, she almost stopped using public buses.

My colleague always books two adjacent seats in shared autos because she has met a lot of men who, unfortunately, have not been taught how to adjust in their own seat and not to ‘almost’ fall on other women’s lap.

That was neither the first time nor the last time when such an incident happened with my friend, cousin or colleague. 

I was in standard seven, eight or nine — I do not remember exactly — a middle-aged man groped me while I was walking to my school. And before I could react, shout and or even notice his face again, he was already out of my sight. That was one of the longest ten minutes walks I’ve ever had.

From blank calls to abusive calls, creepy stares, random terrible gropings, unwanted chases, etc.; the list is long and haunting. 

And, it’s not only me who has experienced it. There is a minimum of hundreds of such incidents happening every day — while you may generalise the level of insolence, one can never justify the trauma it brings!

The sad part is that almost 99% of cases of sexual assaults go unreported — sad and dark, isn’t it?

sexual abuse india data
Source: Livemint

And when I say sexual abuse, it is not limited to what you are trying to shred off. Physical abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse, digital abuse, etc. are just the various forms of the torments that it brings.

Where and what is the problem they ask. Is it the mentality or rage or a compulsive mechanism to overpower another’s will or just an amusement? The reason is never annotated, never justified. 

The only justification I’ve ever got is the over-liberation of femininity in the name of equality!!

Of course, they sound accurate. How can we compete against the species who have the god-given power to make us pregnant and ensure that the kids turn out to be straight! How can we have the audacity to walk in that sacred place where they go every day to earn the currency and be better than them!

abuse sexual violence rape india

Isn’t that too hard and cruel, I ask ladies! Every deed of theirs is a reminder to us — that we must not use our basic rights and sit back under the boundaries that they call house.

Sometimes, I feel that I, or maybe a lot of women, like me have passed that very stage of toleration, have crossed their threshold and have fought enough to question the people and society they belong to — maybe, we now know, or rather, have accepted that ‘this’ is not going to change — no matter how hard we fight or raise our voice.

This whole ‘do not question my patriarchal rights or else I’d harm your self-esteem and dignity’ have reached a new level — a level of fake male ego, the art of hiding inability under the trousers and the unstoppable show-off of muscles.

So yes, while I hold placards and roam around the city, a part of me knows that it’s not possible to change 1.38 billion minds against the same perception — it’s not possible to convince them that we live in a metropolitan era which does not distinguish between gender, caste, creed and sexuality.

And while I move on to document another horrific experience, I challenge every woman out there to tell our readers if she has not been abused at any age, place or time.
Tag us/ comment below or email!

abusesexual abusesexual assaultsocialwomenWomenRights

Sonali

A 'non-9-5 desk job' ambivert geek who chooses her own audience, Sonali loves sharing stories and finding the corners where humanity still exists! She believes that every individual's story is unique and special. She loves writing about the untouched and unspoken segments of society. When not writing, you can find her listening to someone's stories or playing with dogs. Sonali values mental health and encourages people to speak their heart out!

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Karva Chauth – Let’s re-think this celebration of love

Written By: Infano
November 4, 2020 | 01:58 PM |
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It’s that day of the year again. The pandemic has subdued the celebration of most of the festivals, but this is not one of the days that can be overlooked, even in these situations. It’s Karva Chauth today – a day when married women, mostly across North India, observe fast, even avoiding water, from sunrise to moonrise, in order to seek blessings for the long life of their husbands.

The Society Pressure

A lot of preparations go into getting ready for the special day – shopping for clothes and jewelry, beauty treatments to look your best, selection of Mehandi designs, puja planning, arranging the food delicacies, etc. It is a general practice these days to celebrate the festival together with friends and family – where the husbands and kids are all grouped together, enjoying the food and drinks, while the ladies are all together, chatting, performing rituals, and waiting anxiously for the moon to appear in order to complete rituals and break their fast.

It has almost become synonymous that more the effort a woman puts into the rituals and festivities, the more is her love for her husband. But does a woman still have to prove her love and dedication to her husband by her fasting on this particular day? Doesn’t she already do that all through the year, every single day?

Traditions – To follow or not to

Traditions play a major part in our lives, especially in Indian society. We have grown up watching our elders follow the same rituals and these traditions are so embedded in our hearts that we almost stop using our rationale when following these customs, especially when it involves the person, we probably love the most. ‘What if I do not do this, and something bad happens’ – this is a chance that we do not want to take. But aren’t such thoughts and doubts the basis of most superstitions which we are trying to shun, like that of a cat crossing our paths?

Isn’t this patriarchy – The Doubt

At some stage, most women question if their long life is also as important as their husband’s. But of course, most of them do not voice their thoughts for the fear of being judged. Rituals that are so gender-specific create a sense of inequality and self-doubt in our hearts. Women are as important as men, but the value of her life seems lesser in the minds of society. She is the one who is expected to be responsible and sacrifice for the man. The rituals almost send out a patriarchal vibe that the man is the important person in the family, the core person who we cannot afford to lose.

Change of Heart

A sequence from the very popular Hindi movie – Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge – shows the hero fasting on Karva Chauth along with this beloved. The sequence floored the audiences and showed something that was literally unheard of, inspiring a few young husbands of that generation to do the same. And to think about it, though very glamorized in the movie, if and when we celebrate Karva Chauth isn’t that what it should be – a celebration of love, a prayer for having a long-life together – for each other, by each other?

So, it’s that day of the year again! We all need a little celebration to light up our lives, but this year should we celebrate it as a day where we continue to endorse the patriarchy, or is it the day where we re-evaluate our concept of marriage – a partnership of equals… in every sense.

Celebrationkarwa chouthpatriarchysocialsocietytraditions

Infano

Infano is a platform that aims to impact every facet of a woman's life - health, career, motherhood, lifestyle, and much more. We are a team of like-minded individuals who wish to be a support to women from all walks of life and in everything they do. Our aim, through our posts and articles, is to bring to light the issues and problems that women face in their day-to-day life, to try and make their life a little easier and a little better, provide the latest news updates of women around the world, and to highlight their big and small achievements. We celebrate womanhood each and every day.

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