Two Decades Of Eyewitnessing Sexual Abuse: I Know It Will Not Stop Ever!

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I was walking down the main road in a tier 3 city along with my friend when two men on a bike rushed against us, turned again and almost pulled my friend’s dupatta — though we managed to save her, we couldn’t get a hold of those men. We froze for almost a minute before grasping everything that happened with us.

It’s been a decade since that incident, and I still look out for bikes and stay aware while walking such roads.

My cousin had to board an overcrowded bus once only to face off a stinking drunk man who was ‘just’ trying to tell her how beautiful she was. Apparently, she almost stopped using public buses.

My colleague always books two adjacent seats in shared autos because she has met a lot of men who, unfortunately, have not been taught how to adjust in their own seat and not to ‘almost’ fall on other women’s lap.

That was neither the first time nor the last time when such an incident happened with my friend, cousin or colleague.

I was in standard seven, eight or nine — I do not remember exactly — a middle-aged man groped me while I was walking to my school. And before I could react, shout and or even notice his face again, he was already out of my sight. That was one of the longest ten minutes walks I’ve ever had.

From blank calls to abusive calls, creepy stares, random terrible gropings, unwanted chases, etc.; the list is long and haunting.

And, it’s not only me who has experienced it. There is a minimum of hundreds of such incidents happening every day — while you may generalise the level of insolence, one can never justify the trauma it brings!

The sad part is that almost 99% of cases of sexual assaults go unreported — sad and dark, isn’t it?

sexual abuse india data — Source: Livemint

And when I say sexual abuse, it is not limited to what you are trying to shred off. Physical abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse, digital abuse, etc. are just the various forms of the torments that it brings.

Where and what is the problem they ask. Is it the mentality or rage or a compulsive mechanism to overpower another’s will or just an amusement? The reason is never annotated, never justified.

The only justification I’ve ever got is the over-liberation of femininity in the name of equality!!

Of course, they sound accurate. How can we compete against the species who have the god-given power to make us pregnant and ensure that the kids turn out to be straight! How can we have the audacity to walk in that sacred place where they go every day to earn the currency and be better than them!

Isn’t that too hard and cruel, I ask ladies! Every deed of theirs is a reminder to us — that we must not use our basic rights and sit back under the boundaries that they call house.

Sometimes, I feel that I, or maybe a lot of women, like me have passed that very stage of toleration, have crossed their threshold and have fought enough to question the people and society they belong to — maybe, we now know, or rather, have accepted that ‘this’ is not going to change — no matter how hard we fight or raise our voice.

This whole ‘do not question my patriarchal rights or else I’d harm your self-esteem and dignity’ have reached a new level — a level of fake male ego, the art of hiding inability under the trousers and the unstoppable show-off of muscles.

So yes, while I hold placards and roam around the city, a part of me knows that it’s not possible to change 1.38 billion minds against the same perception — it’s not possible to convince them that we live in a metropolitan era which does not distinguish between gender, caste, creed and sexuality.

And while I move on to document another horrific experience, I challenge every woman out there to tell our readers if she has not been abused at any age, place or time.
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Highlights

Mythri Speaks has been dedicated to the cause of propagating women’s issues since 2014, and has earned its reputation as a grass-root development organization, based in Karnataka.

Their Animation film ‘Mythri’ on menstruation, has reached over 4 million adolescent girls in government schools. Their content is available free of cost in 9 languages and has been used by governments, educators, researchers, NGOs, medical professionals and others.

Their workshop “Super Science Behind Menstrual Practices” covers Menstrual Science, especially the science behind traditional menstrual practices, and its important role in prevention of menstrual disorders, through the lens of Ayurveda.

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Women in rural India have been resorting to their own ways for many years when it comes to menstruation practices and menstrual health. There are methods that are different from what we are familiar with. Sinu Joseph, the Managing Trustee of Mythri Speaks Trust, gives us an insight into menstrual practices in rural India.

The narrative on menstruation is changing and more awareness is being created on this topic to help first time bleeders understand the concept. The urban narrative on this topic is often laced with the word’s stigma, taboo, pain, traditional / cultural practices and the like which often create a negative attitude towards it. But is it the same rurally?

Founders and Trustees- Sinu Joseph with Vyjanthi

Sinu Joseph disagrees there is a stigma surrounding menstruation. “From my observations on interacting with women across different sections of society and various communities across India, I have found that the attitude towards menstruation has turned negative or indifferent as women moved away from culturally centered ideas of menstruation”.

Sinu Joseph, an engineer by qualification, started working in the social space in 2009. She has done extensive action-research in the areas of Menstrual & Reproductive Health, Urban Civic Issues and Rural Development. She is a three time TEDx speaker and a writer. Her first book Women & Sabarimala: Science behind Restrictions, has been a bestseller. In her book Rtu Vidya: Ancient Science behind Menstrual practices, she attempts to explain the scientific & logical reasoning behind the origins of ancient practices using two frameworks: Science & Dharma. She feels, “The effects of the Tri-Doshas on menstruation which can culminate into reproductive and gynecological issues if Ayurveda prescribed practices and regimes are not followed”.

Sinu learnt that rural and tribal women who have not been through a formal education system or have had minimal exposure to the urban way of living, exhibit a positive and sometimes (seemingly) exaggerated enthusiasm towards menstruation as nature’s gift to women.

“My observation on the variations in attitude towards menstruation was corroborated when my team and I undertook a study. Majority of women interviewed expressed a positive outlook towards menstruation, breaking the stereotypical assumption that Indian women associate shame with menstruation”, says Sinu.

Rural women would often smile, sometimes feel shy, but mostly say that menstruation was a positive occurrence in their life. In stark contrast, the urban women I interviewed would arrogantly shoot back a question asking ‘why on earth would anyone feel positive towards menstruation?’

“Stepping aside from the popular narratives which focus on menstrual products, our work has explored native methods and cultural practices around menstruation”, reveals Sinu.

Mission of the Trust

Mythri Speaks has been dedicated to the cause of propagating women’s issues since 2014, and has earned its reputation as a grass-root development organization, based in Karnataka. With menstrual & reproductive health being one of its important programs, the organization has oriented thousands of rural adolescent girls and women through awareness workshops, across the states of Karnataka, Jharkhand, Bihar, Assam, Meghalaya, Manipur, and Tamil Nadu.

Menstrual Health & Anemia (Screening, Treatment and Prevention camps have been undertaken by them in rural areas, in association with the government Primary Health Centres (PHC). Women are screened for menstrual disorders and Hemoglobin tests are undertaken to detect Anemia with treatment and follow up. In 2018, they covered 1000 girls and women across 10 Grama Panchayats.

Over the years, Sinu has worked extensively in this sphere. When it comes to picking the right sanitary product, she believes, “Women are sensible enough to make the right choices according to their circumstances”. Her experience and studies has made her realize that menstrual hygiene is important but at the same time, this can be maintained by various sanitary products. Studies show that linking menstrual hygiene to cervical cancer or any other menstrual disorder is a myth.

“The only thing bad menstrual hygiene can give you is a bacterial infection”, she says. Women in rural India have been resorting to their own ways for many years. “You should keep an open mind when you come across methods that are different from what you are familiar with. The focus should be on whether or not women are being affected by the method they follow rather than force them to change practices just for the sake of social engineering.”

Respecting the Choice of Menstruators

Traditionally, Indian women used cotton cloth during menstruation, because they preferred it and not because of reasons such as inability to afford sanitary napkins or non-availability of such products.

Even now, many women in India prefer cloth to any other commercially available menstrual product. It is necessary to understand rural women have certain challenges while using sanitary products- main being its disposal. Cloth, therefore, becomes their most preferred option.

Knowledge on proper use can be given if we find that some of the practices might be causing problems. In some villages in Karnataka, women can now purchase a red cloth called “Date Batte” (Date refers to periods, and Batte means cloth) from the grocery shops. This is a soft cloth, quite suitable for menstrual blood absorption.

Cloth pads are another option provided women use loose cloth that can be opened and dried in the sun. Tampons and menstrual cups require insertion of the product into the vagina using hands, it is necessary that high levels of hygiene and cleanliness is maintained. Most girls and women in villages do a lot of physical work with their hands. As a result their hands are not the most clean and usually carry germs/bacteria. And this can be a concern.

Nowadays, small-scale sanitary napkin manufacturing units have sprung up in rural areas. But basic hygiene standards and sanitization of the product are not followed in the small-scale manufacturing units.

“We have come across quite a few women in villages who do not use any of the above products and bleed freely”, she says.

Poor hygiene with any product can result in rashes and bacterial infection and could cause a problem with white discharge but not disorders like dysmenorrhea, menorrhagia, PCOS, endometriosis, amenorrhea, etc. “Knowledge on the right way of using a product needs to be shared”, she adds.