Sexual Health: When Does It Count As 'Having Sex'?

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Good ‘Sexual health’ is when you have consenting, pleasurable, and safe sexual experiences with a partner. The act of having sex or indulging in sex does not always require a vagina and/or a penis. Sex can mean different things to different people and everyone may have their own ways of deriving gratification from it in their own way. All genders can have sex with each other in all kinds of ways.

However, it is important to have healthy sex that reduces the chances of getting a sexually transmitted infection (STI) or having an unplanned pregnancy. This also means that at any given point you are in charge of your body, health, and decisions about sex.

For many people, intercourse may not be accessible or an option. Many individuals may have physical or psychological conditions and barriers like vaginismus or a physical disability. For them, indulging in conventional methods of sex may not be an option. But guess what? there are many ways of deriving sexual pleasure. For people with a vagina or front holes, there is this myth that sex is supposed to be painful. Sex is supposed to be pleasurable and if there is pain, then it is an indicator that something is not right or not working for you.

How would you define sex?

The term sex is often used to mean “sexual activity”. Sex can vary largely between individuals. So there is no one definition of sex. Also, sex need not always be between a man and woman, or a penis-in-vagina (PIV) sex.

A person’s sexuality is influenced by their biological, psychological, social, economic, political, cultural, legal, historical, religious, and spiritual experiences. A person can still be ‘sexual’ without actually having sex. Things like kissing, touching, rubbing, and stroking are all things that can make you feel good, and hence knowing the options can help make informed choices and decisions that work best for you.

What activities count as sex?

Sex means different things to different people. However, when most people talk about ‘having sex’ they are usually referring to sexual intercourse or penetrative sex that involves a penis and a vagina. But all genders can have sex with each other in all kinds of ways, including fingering, oral sex, and sex toys or by involving in outercourse. However, sex can be largely classified into two broad types- penetrative sex and non-penetrative sex.

What is penetrative sex?

Sexual activity when something (like a penis, finger, or a sex toy) goes inside someone else’s mouth, vagina, or anus is known as penetrative sex. Vaginal, anal, and oral sex are all types of penetrative sex. Many believe that if a sexual activity cannot cause pregnancy then it is not sex. Well, it is! Sexual health and planning of contraception methods as well as using condoms should all be discussed before engaging in any form of penetrative sex.

Oral sex

Using the mouth and tongue to stimulate a partner’s genitalia is called oral sex. Some believe that oral sex isn’t really sex but it is a type of sex. Even though one can’t get pregnant by having oral sex, the chances of sexually transmitted infections are the same.

Anal sex

Penetration of the anus by a sex toy or penis is called anal sex. The anus is the opening at the end of the digestive system where solid waste comes out of the body.

Penis-In-Vagina sex

Sexual intercourse where a penis is inserted into a vagina. No matter how long the penetration lasts, even if it is for seconds, it is called sex. Even if the penis is inserted halfway, it is still sex or an attempt at sex.

Non-Penetrative sex

The act of lovemaking or deriving sexual gratification without penetration into a vagina or an anus constitutes non-penetrative sex. This is sex without involvement or penetration of the mouth, vagina, anus, fingers, or any sexual aid like sex toys. This type of sex allows partners to be sexual, increases intimacy, and even achieves orgasm without having sexual intercourse. There are different types of sex that can be had without penetration.

Kissing

When people use their lips for pleasure by touching each other’s lips, or other body parts with their lips is called kissing. Kissing can be with or without tongues. Read about the different types of kisses here.

Foreplay

Physical intimacy that involves romantic or sexual arousal of each other like kissing, massage, or touching that happens before intercourse is called foreplay. This helps in getting each other in the mood, helps in lubricating the vagina as well as helps the penis achieve an erection. Foreplay can make sex more enjoyable.

Mutual masturbation

When two or more people touch the sensitive parts of each other’s bodies to get aroused and achieve sexual gratification at the same time is called mutual masturbation. Different people find different things erotic. Body parts could include the clitoris, breasts, nipples, vagina, penis, or anus. This helps to explore your own body and is a good way to know what gets you on and off.

Cybersex

Cybersex is any type of sexual activity that uses the internet. This could include chat rooms, video chats, or using any platform which uses internet communication and involves a trusted partner.

Sexting

Indulging in sexual activity through texts by sending sexual thoughts and photos via text, email, chat, or social media to a trusted partner is called sexting. Sexting is a type of cybersex.

People in long-distance relationships or anxiously attached people may indulge in cybersex or sexting to feel closer to their partners. Some people may also use sexting to receive gratification while keeping a sexual partner at a distance or in the early phases of their relationships to check for sexual compatibility.

Though sex means different things to different people, what is important is how it makes you feel about the encounter. Getting consent is important in all sexual encounters, whether they are online or physical. Also discussing likes and dislikes and what type of sexual activities you enjoy with a partner helps in healthy sexual relationships and positive experiences. Any attempt at the forced sexual activity through penetration or non- non-penetrative sexual acts without consent is rape as ruled by law. Even if an act simulates sexual gratification to the accused, will be termed as rape.

For more on sexual health from Infano, click here.

Riya Agrawal

(Rhea Agrawal), 23-year-old vitiligo influencer from Mumbai, currently residing in London

“People are gonna label you. It’s how you overcome those labels, that’s what matters. All this time through vitiligo I’ve been trying to spread a message to not have a fixed notion of beauty. I’m not sure if I’ve failed or succeeded in doing so but aren’t we all better off custom-made?”

“My account has always been about being comfortable in my own skin. And there’s no denying that. But I just wanted to come here and talk about my low days. Days when I end up comparing myself, maybe unintentionally; days when I keep on playing ‘what ifs’ in my head; days when I overthink and don’t feel like sharing it with anyone. So I get it when you all send me messages sharing your tough times and asking questions about being confident. Guess I don’t have the answer to all of them and honestly, it’s okay to feel that way. But I do know that on these days it is so important to be content with yourself first.
Try and have an inner monologue that deflects negative thoughts. Let the true you, the flawed, the messy, the excitable, the uncomfortable, the inner and outer you, spread like wildfire. Just felt like sharing this because I don’t wanna change myself even a tad bit, do you?”

PARUL SRIVASTAVA

Parul is a Digital creator, Recruiter, Traveller, Storyteller, and a Vitiligo Advocate from Lucknow who has a Podcast called Unfiltered By Paarul which is heard in 20 countries.

“I always preach one thing when it comes to vitiligo and that is: Vitiligo never defines who you are. Your worth and value are not determined by it. It takes years to be on self-love journey and I am so proud of all of you who are putting themselves before anything. I salute to even those who are taking a teenie tiny step towards self-love.”

Ishita

Ishita is a Beauty Content Creator and an advocate for Acne/Skin positivity. She goes by the motto- Dream. Demand. Inspire.

“If you feel that acne makes someone “ugly” then the problem is with you. My acne is not “ugly”. It’s just there and it exists and I can assure you that we are doing enough to get rid of it because it is really hard to struggle with a chronic skin condition. To all my lovelies who call themselves ugly cause, they’re struggling like I have, as much as I know that we have been told since a very young age that if we don’t look a certain way, we are ugly and that’s what we started believing in, try not calling yourself that from next time. Your acne doesn’t make you ugly and if there’s anyone trying to make you believe the same, don’t let them hold that kind of power.”

“WE DESERVE ACNE REPRESENTATION! If today I grew up watching someone like myself, I probably wouldn’t have been self-loathing in front of the mirror most of my life. It’s mostly because of how you portrayed women is why a young child believed that she wasn’t good enough to fit in. You made us young girls believe that you need to look a certain way to feel beautiful and that we can never belong in the industry. I know that not much of it has changed but we NEED to work on it.”
Brands, just not on social media but also on television commercials, show us women with real/textured/acne/hyperpigmented skin. Women are constantly subjected to the stereotypical beauty standards, you can try to make a change.
For example, when you promote something for people with acne, get yourself a model who really has acne and not a small drawn zit on some big actress because it’s only benefitting your brand. What about the people watching you? Also not the ones that fit into your box of “looks cute” but the ones you know that might make someone feel uncomfortable because when you start to have conversations on normalising something, you know that it will make some people uncomfortable but it’s for the better. Don’t give us unrealistic expectations. Let us know that it’s completely normal to have acne. Show us real advertisements. Show us women with real skin conditions. We deserve it after all these years. Don’t fail the coming young generations. Change the narrative! I’m doing your part, when will you?

Diksha Singhi

Diksha Singhi is a Digital creator who is Reclaiming her space in the fitness and fashion industry and is no longer at war with her body.

“Fat women have also been sexually abused massively, because offenders feel that it’s easy to lure a fat woman, because again, who else is going to have sex with her, anyway.And because of this, so many of us don’t feel attractive enough. We don’t take full-body pictures. We feel under-confident. But why?
Our Indian goddesses were always well-rounded. Did they not find love or were single all their lives? We have such a distorted perception of beauty. We can either wait for us to #loseweight and then find love for ourselves or we can start living our lives right here, right now. There are people out there who will find you attractive with those curves. Who will laugh with you at your jokes and who would want to marry all of you including your double chin. But for that, you need to be open to love. Choose a #healthyrelationship, where your #health matters. Not the way you look. Don’t hate your body. Don’t love your body either. Treat it like a body. Love your complete self. And don’t ever change yourself or your weight just because that will help you find love or getting married!|

Images and quotes courtesy of the respective Instagram accounts.