Periods do not define your gender

Did You Know That Not All Who Menstruate Are Women?

Periods are a natural occurrence. Every month the body prepares itself for pregnancy and when it doesn’t become pregnant, it expels the tissue that it no longer needs to nourish a fertilized egg.

Around half of the world’s population does, has, or will menstruate, but still it is a taboo topic in many parts of the world as period blood is considered dirty and impure. Women who have regular periods have the following functioning properly- hypothalamus, pituitary gland, ovaries, uterus

Some cisgender women (assigned female at birth) don’t have periods due to menopause, stress, disease, or a hysterectomy. They may have never started menstruating due to a variety of medical conditions or they may be transgender or intersex. At the same time, there are people who menstruate who aren’t cisgender women. They might be Trans men, intersex, and genderqueer or non-binary.

A 2016 study led by Joan Chrisler noted that “scholars and healthcare providers have only recently begun to recognize that transgender men and people with masculine gender identities also menstruate, thus little is documented about their attitudes toward and experiences with menstruation”.

Not all women have periods

Some cisgender and transgender women (assigned male at birth), do not experience a period but can experience PMS-like symptoms.

This is because those who are assigned male at birth do not have a uterus but when they are transitioning sexually to a female, they may experience specific symptoms typically associated with menstruation (bloating, moodiness, increased libido, cramping, nausea, cravings, headaches, and/or migraines, photosensitivity, vomiting, and/or diarrhea. This can be a psychosomatic response to hormone levels or physiological response.

Trans women and cis women who have had a hysterectomy or are on a hormone replacement therapy to include estrogen and/or progesterone, frequently have a period linked to certain points in their estrous cycle. Oftentimes, this cycle lasts about five weeks (as opposed to four), with symptoms lasting two to eight days because their bodies switch from a testosterone-dominant situation to an estrogen-dominant situation. This can be similar to menstruation but there is no blood here because there is no organ for its outlet.

On the other hand, not all who menstruate are women

Trans men (who are assigned female at birth) and non-binary people get periods too. They are born with a uterus and hence menstruate with blood once they attain puberty. But when they identify and transition to a male, this becomes a very difficult time for them. Medical transition and hormone therapy can be sought which can eliminate the monthly period. Some Trans men do feel pelvic pain, emotional changes, or experience spotting even after menstruation stops. This may be different for Trans guys who have had a hysterectomy, oophorectomy, and/or gender-affirming genital procedures.

Transgender artist and menstrual health activist Cass Clemmer, (Pronoun- they/them) uploaded an Integra photo highlighting the reality of #BleedingWhileTrans. The photo shows Clemmer free-bleeding while holding up a sign that says, “Periods are not just for women.” In the photo’s caption, Clemmer shared a spoken-word poem they’d written for menstrual health.

Class Clemmer #BleedingWhileTrans — Source: Reddit *#BleedingWhileTrans*

How to be more inclusive

Inclusive language like “people who menstruate” or “people with cycles” is helpful, as it is inaccurate and demoralizing to address women only when we talk about periods. This way we alienate the Trans community and with the existing bias and stigma in the society, it only distances them more from such important conversations.

While we are at it, let’s also look at terms like “people with vulvas” or “people with cervixes”, instead of “female” genetilia; and “people who can become pregnant” or “people who menstruate” while describing people of a certain physiological group. Also, there are people who are affected by certain medical procedures: “people who need mammograms” is also helpful for them. For Trans women, “people with prostate glands” may sound relevant. The language we use needs to transform for the LGBTQ community at large so that they can accept what is relevant or irrelevant to them, without having to identify with a certain gender or group.

For transsexuals, their bodies do not identify as their identity and this can cause dysmorphia and can be a huge struggle for them. Topics like these need to be discussed openly to create awareness so that we can have a safe space for all to coexist in society.

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Updated: September 22

Peep into any girls’ night conversation and you will certainly find them discussing other attractive women at some point in time. “I would totally turn lesbian for Bispasha Basu. She is so sexy!” said a friend during one such sleepover. No one frowned upon the fact about how she spoke sexually about the actress, instead, the conversation turned towards other female celebrities whom they found attractive sexually.

A university study showed that 60 percent of heterosexual women find other women attractive. ‘Over half of the 484 straight women questioned had been attracted to another female at some point in their lives – with a further 45 percent admitting to kissing a woman and 50 percent confessing to enjoying fantasies about other ladies.

“Women are naturally attracted to other women and sometimes sexually too. But this does not always make them bisexual,” says psychologist Dr. Mini Rao. “At some point in time in her life, a woman would have found herself admiring another woman. She would have checked out another lady for her breasts, her hips, her lips, and found her sexually attractive. This is because the naked female body is more attractive and aesthetically beautiful than the male body.”

So for a straight woman to admire another woman sexually does not always make her a bisexual? This makes it more confusing to many women and that’s why many bisexual women are also late bloomers. Also when people make statements like the male body is less attractive, they are speaking from a cisgender perspective and also stigmatizing bodies as sexual objects. If this theory is any true then what about male to male attraction? Gay homosexuality exists because men are attracted to other men sexually. They find a male body more attractive than a woman’s. Straight women too may find the male body more attractive than a woman’s.

Casual Bi-Erasure

Tanisha is a sexuality educator and the co-founder of Sangya Project where she aims to provide comprehensive sexuality education for better mental and physical health across ages, genders, and socio-economic groups. She is also a bisexual and does not advocate the above idea.

Dismissing the idea that bisexuality is a passing phase or not a serious attraction, believing that the individual is confused, are the many ways bisexuality is shunned. This is called bi-erasure where the prejudice of bisexuality makes them hesitate in identifying themselves as bisexuals.

“When people talk like this, it supports the idea that bisexuality in women is not a very serious thing”, believes Tanisha. “Because after all, if women are attracted to women in some way or form, at some point or the other, then it doesn’t really matter no? Yeh toh sabke saath hota hai. This is the exact same reason why many people don’t take relationships between two women seriously. Our love is seen as a silly crush or a natural but minor form of affection. People say things like “I also find my female friends attractive. But I wouldn’t date them or sleep with them. Why do you have to be this way?” she asks.

Tanisha also feels that it’s not fair, to say that male bodies are less attractive than female ones. Not only does that dismiss trans bodies and the gender fluidity of all human bodies, but it also supports this primitive idea that women are things of beauty, only meant to be looked at, loved and appreciated.

“I know of straight men who would happily express their love and affection and appreciation towards each other but we have only built a society where men are labelled as ‘gay’ even just for being kind and affectionate towards each other. So then men hide those feelings. For fear of being seen as ‘less manly’ or ‘effeminate’ or ‘gay’.”

Split Attraction Model, a.k.a SAM

A.k.a SAM, the attraction for some people can be split up into sexual, platonic, sensual, romantic, etc. one can feel sexual attraction towards one gender and romantic attraction towards another. As Shruthi Nambiar writes on gaysifamily.com, “For Aspec or people identifying on the asexual and/or aromantic spectrum, attraction isn’t so easy to understand… An asexual can very easily be aromantic, biromantic, heteroromantic, homoromantic, panromantic and more. And similarly, an aromantic can be, asexual, bisexual, heterosexual, homosexual, pansexual and more. When we say homosexual we by default imagine their romantic and sexual orientation to be towards the same sex. But for Aspecs that default doesn’t work. Hence, many Aspecs use the Split Attraction Model as a language to express their orientation.”

So, maybe this theory can set right the confusion that some women experience with their attraction towards other women. But are they willing to even accept their attraction towards more than one gender and define their attraction beyond heterosexuality? Are they willing to embrace terms like asexual, pan- sexual, bisexual to define themselves?

Bisexual Women in Heterosexual Marriages

Bollywood movies like Fire, Parched, Margarita with a Straw, and Dedh Ishqiyan have touched upon bisexuality in their stories. While the first two show how one woman explores her bisexuality as an option for her sexless life, the other movies are pretty clear in their concept of bisexuality- it is not portrayed just an experiment for lack of sex in the character’s life.

It is assumed that as humans grow up, the idea of their sexuality becomes clearer. But psychologists say that this is not necessarily true. It may get confusing too. A heterosexual woman in a marriage can later discover her bisexuality. And what happens if this is the case?

Many celebrities abroad have openly come out as bisexual. Grey’s Anatomy star Sara Ramirez who also played a bisexual doctor Callie Torres in the series, identified as queer and bisexual and came out during a speech at a summit in 2016. She was married to her boyfriend in 2012 and no one knows what happened to their relationship after this. According to a recent media update, she has now come out as non-binary.

Comedian, YouTube star, and late-night host Lilly Singh came out on Twitter as bisexual in February 2019. Miley Cyrus identified herself as pansexual in 2015. “I’m very open about it — I’m pansexual,” Cyrus told Elle magazine. She was married to Liam Hemsworth in 2018 but they separated in less than a year.

“In Indian societies, there are no avenues open for such married women to claim their bisexuality openly. I have had many women approaching me like this. I ask them if they are willing to come out of their closet and declare it to their husbands and families. Mostly the answer is no. So I just tell them to live with the fact and satisfy their sexual cravings by indulging in masturbation with sex toys and fantasy,” adds Dr. Mini. “Our Indian society is still not open to accepting such sexualities and more often there is a lot at stake- children, family, parents, societal status, etc.”

While the West may be more progressive towards sexual ideologies, Indians have much to achieve in their thought process before a bisexual woman raises eyebrows. That is why need to have more conversations where people feel accepted for who they are and are not judged for their sexual preferences. More safe places need to be created for sexual orientations of all kinds.

“More and more gay characters are being depicted in Indian cinema and I hope someday bi characters will be too”, hopes Tanisha. “Mumbai has seen active Pride gatherings over last few years and we cannot be erased for as long as at least one of us exists in the public eye. We NEED to be reminded that there is room for us in this world and that there always will be”.