Here's Why I Wish To Have An Affair

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I am a happy wife, mother and a working woman. But I wish to have an affair.

Judging me already, are you?

For years I have been slogging day and night for the happiness of my family. Waking up in the mornings, dressing up my kids for school, tending to my old in-laws, cooking, packing lunch.

When I return home, I rush to make dinner. Then it’s time for me to turn teacher and tend to the daily school work of my children. By the end of the day when it’s time to retire, I am a mess. Perspiring. Tired. A sight that is totally unromantic for my hubby.

“You’ve lost your charm, he says”, looking at my shapeless body, at my saggy breasts which were once firm, at my tummy covered now with layers of fat, left from childbirth. “Why don’t you work out? Look at all the Bollywood bahus even after their deliveries. You must learn to take care of yourself”.

That night I mull at his words, thinking about the lives of the celebs, how they have it together. They work and workout. But wait, they also have a support system and the financial means to afford the extra help for their house and kids, don’t they? Access to the latest beauty treatments and self-care? I try to think if there is some extra time or energy that I may have left from my day to cram some physical activity into it before I hit the bed.

I miss my life; life when I looked perfect; when I was desired. I look around me and see the lack of excitement and romance now. And then, I wish to have an affair. Yes, yes I know how slutty it sounds. But I want to have an affair, I want to be touched, desired. I want to feel that rush of adrenaline and butterflies that is felt in a new love. A loving caress, an endearing hug, an acceptance of who I am, the way I am. Acceptance of my beauty, or the lack of it. Of the scars and the stretch marks and the stories they hold. Of the extra lines on my forehead, and around my eyes. I fantasize wild lovemaking as my fingers touch myself, imagining a lover in my head kissing all my imperfections. Pleasured and spent, I fall asleep.

I am doing it all, isn’t it? Then why do I have to have the extra pressure of looking young and beautiful too? Does life ever go backward? Why can’t we romance life for what it is, as it is? Why do we desire for everything to be perfect? Why are the false ideology of beauty and everlasting youth perpetuated so much to women?

I wish to have an affair- and what is an affair even? A relationship, a romance, an attachment, right? So yes, I want to have an affair- an affair with myself first and maybe with life? Where I am happy and content, and in love with myself. And the people around me are happy and content and love me back for who I am. Where my physical shortcomings and imperfections do not determine my worth as a person. Where self-care and self-love are not termed ‘selfish’.

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Sex is definitely one of the most pleasurable activity with far-reaching implications in almost every walk of human life. But, at the same time, it’s also nerve-racking due to the infamous “performance anxiety” associated with sex; a phenomenon that hasn’t discriminated any age of known human history. The questions like “am I doing it right”, “is he/she liking it”, etc. are always running in your head which is without a doubt, a bummer. But, the thought that beats them all is, “I hope it’s not over before it should be”. Now, if all these thoughts are troubling you, look no further cause we got you covered. Cue – Edging!!

What is Edging?

Edging aka the start-stop method is a way of taking the sexual stimulation to the very brink of having an orgasm –“the edge”- and then backing off, right before the actual orgasm happens. Yeah! So why do it and how’s it all related?

According to Dr Stephen Snyder M.D, a sex therapist, “really pleasurable and memorable sex comes from sustained high-intensity arousal, and an even intense orgasm” and that is what edging exactly does to you. Delaying an orgasm for as long as possible can result in an orgasm that is much more intense because the intensity of an orgasm is usually dependent on the duration, and the intensity of the arousal preceding it. What’s more, edging also helps you to stretch out the duration of your actual sex because you’re delaying the entire “premise” which culminates sex.

Edging particularly is more useful for women, as their orgasm thresholds are much higher than that of men, and also, women are able to sustain the sexual arousals over a longer period of time without losing the intensity contrary to men.

The benefits of edging don’t end there. So, we are familiar with the fact that edging increases the intensity of an orgasm and it’s duration, therefore, all the benefits of a proper orgasm can be attributed to edging.

A 2005 study showed that a woman’s hippocampus and amygdala, the parts of the brain responsible for anxiety and fear, show little to no activity. This has far-reaching effects on calming a person and putting that person into a relaxed mental state.

Edging also helps to combat the problem of premature ejaculation, which is a problem many men silently sulk about. So getting a grip’ over it would really help to boost your confidence, and also lead to better relationship dynamics.

How to edge 1-0-1

Edging is as straightforward as it gets. Stimulate yourself or your partner till the limit beyond, which you are sure to climax, and then either stop the stimulation or drastically decrease the intensity.

Men can use the squeeze method, which involves stopping the stimulation and then gently pressing the tip of the previous for 30 seconds, and then resuming, in order to control orgasm. For women, it requires them to calm down their breaths and become more conscious, in order to control an impending orgasm.

How to control?

Kegel exercise is something which both men and women can try to control their orgasm. This involves interrupting urination mid-flow, for a few seconds and then resuming. This helps to strengthen your pelvic floor and enable yourself to give an internal squeeze to hold back on to orgasm.

Apart from all this, communication with your partner is the key to understanding the initial signs of an incoming orgasm because, beyond a certain point, it’s impossible to hold onto an orgasm.

So, there you have it, edging and it’s basics, all right here for you. Hopefully, it helps you keep your edge.