BDSM – Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. For the uninitiated, BDSM involves sexual preferences involving these physical restraints (one or more). While this may seem a scary sexual adventure, the BDSM is a thriving community worldwide. Some however find the whole idea absurd, psychopathological in nature, and borderline abnormal too. But on the contrary, practitioners of BDSM are psychologically healthy individuals and more so because, for a healthy BDSM relationship, consent is key and sacrosanct.
Despite the stigma attached, BDSM is an enjoyable practice for many. It involves role-playing where one person assumes a dominant role (dom) and another person assumes a submissive role (sub). These activities often involve physical restraint, power plays, humiliation, and sometimes buhttps://indianexpress.com/audio/the-sandip-roy-show/the-bdsm-scene-in-india-with-the-kinky-collective/5638826/t not always, pain. While some enjoy a standard role, many others prefer to switch (switches).
The Kinky Collective is a BDSM community in India that has thousands of people. This group seeks to raise awareness about kink in society as well as to strengthen the BDSM community in India. They also conduct workshops on BDSM practices both online and in various cities. Many more communities like this exist and BDSM is a thriving practice in the country. And their reality is quite contrary to what people think or assume of them.
These people are wild, open to experimentation, adventure and are comfortable and more open towards their partners to discuss sexual preferences and intimacies. This shows that it is a more conscious act involving mutual informed consent of the individuals involved. Therefore, consent here becomes an integral part of the act without which there is no going forward.
The difference between abuse and BDSM borders on consent and the boundary of limitations which is protected by a “safe word”. Knowing and respecting that boundary and stopping when told the safe word is what forms the crux of the whole act and makes it pleasurable and enjoyable for those involved. Safe, sane, and consensual are the catchwords here.
Making a list of things that help you make safe and things that don’t can help constitute a code of agreement with your partner of what each feels comfortable with, their boundaries, likes, and dislikes. For example, someone may be okay with punching and hitting but not with slapping. Respecting individual choices here is everything.
Choose Your Adventure
Finding mutual ground and choosing an adventure (if not already having one) which compliments each other is important and this involves discussion and understanding each others’ preferences. For example, enjoying candle wax burn can be a kink for Some. To safely act on the kink, provide pleasure to your partner, and at the same time being sexually aroused by it, forms the crux of BDSM.
Safety Precautions
Hygiene is of utmost importance. If sexual tools are involved, sterilization of the same, using informed contraception, cleaning up later, are some precautions that need to be taken. In the case of bodily fetishes and kinks, any wounds or injuries inflicted must be immediately tended to with antibiotics, necessary bandages, ice fermentation, or whatever is required until they are healed completely.
The Safe Word
A safe word is used to stop sex, mostly in BDSM relationships. This word is prearranged by the individuals involved, calling out which means that all activity should be ceased with immediate effect. Words decided are ambiguous and unrelated to make sure they are not confused with the activity. Once the safe word is called out, everything stops immediately. Nonverbal gestures or actions can also be decided in advance for those with whom safe words don’t work.
Lawful BDSM Practice
Certain types of physical harm are simply illegal and do not come in the norms of safe practice for BDSM in some countries and should be abstained from. Torture and serious body injuries can be lethal. Criteria for distinguishing abuse from BDSM and identifying abuse within BDSM relationships should be outlined because this consent process is what helps to destigmatize consensual BDSM practices.
Consent Violations
Knowing each other’s preferences and boundaries and sometimes also rating it on a scale of 1 to 5 can help in understanding the partner(s) so that nothing new is introduced in the act which may take the other by surprise and may not be in their comfort levels.
Etiquette Surrounding Consent
Being intoxicated on drugs and alcohol may blur decision making and should not be involved in during BDSM. Being conscious and aware at all times helps to enjoy the act better and being in control of the situation.
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