Abuse is the improper usage or treatment of a thing, often to unfairly or improperly gain benefit.
Abuse can come in many forms, such as physical or verbal maltreatment, injury, assault, violation, rape, unjust practices, crimes, or other types of aggression.
Some sources describe abuse as “socially constructed”, which means there may be more or less recognition of the suffering of a victim at different times and societies.
Here are 12 things you must not say to any abuse survivor.
Abuse is the improper usage or treatment of a thing, often to unfairly or improperly gain benefit. Abuse can come in many forms, such as physical or verbal maltreatment, injury, assault, violation, rape, unjust practices, crimes, or other types of aggression. To these descriptions, one can also add the Kantian notion of the wrongness of using another human being as means to an end rather than as ends in themselves. Some sources describe abuse as “socially constructed”, which means there may be more or less recognition of the suffering of a victim at different times and societies.
Types of abuse
Abuse can be of different types- physical, emotional (mental, verbal, psychological), sexual (rape, assault, harassment, molestation, pornography production, and possession) neglect (physical neglect, educational neglect, financial or material neglect).
Here are 12 things you must not say to any abuse survivor
You could have avoided it.
Believe me, if they could have prevented it they would have. No one will abuse themselves.
Here is why it would never happen to me.
No one wishes to become a statistic. You cannot put the blame of on the victim making what happened their fault.
God is punishing you for some misdeed by allowing this to happen or It was God’s will
God doesn’t wish to hurt His people.
I don’t believe you.
Respondents being disbelieved is a survivor’s greatest fear and the biggest reason why many cases of abuse go unreported. The least one can do to support abuse survivors is to believe the victim.
Maybe you just need attention.
No matter how strange it sounds, the abuse is not fabricated, unless the victim is proved to have self-harmed.
Don’t talk about it.
It’s upsetting to talk about it but that is the only way to sort through it. Not talking about it won’t make it go away.
Other people have it worse off than you.
This does not cancel or make the abuse any less. Abuse levels cannot be compared from victim to victim and the reactions are not dependent on the number of abuse sufferers. Everyone has a different reaction or tolerance threshold.
Get over it or Learn to move on.
Every survivor wishes to forget it and move on but we need to support them as they struggle
to find their way again.
Put what happened out of your minds.
Easier said than done. Some may suffer from it for days while others may remember it for a lifetime. Both are valid.
It’s no big deal
Abuse is a challenge to heal from. It haunts much after it happens in the form of PTSD, flashbacks, and dreams and can make everyday living a difficult task.
Well, it’s been months, aren’t you over it yet.
Survivors of abuse may not be ready to go back to life as it was. In fact, they may never be ready and may have to create a new life for themselves as they learn to be safe and trust again.
Oh yeah, I know a bunch of people it has happened to.
Of course, it happens to many others but that fact cannot invalidate another’s experience or trauma. Don’t belittle them by making them another number.
Tasneem Akbari Kutubuddin has done her masters in Journalism & Communication and has worked as a senior journalist, editor and columnist for leading publications like The Logical Indian, Deccan Chronicle, Worldwide Media Corporation, The Bridge and Provoke.
With Infano, she hopes to create more awareness about women’s health issues. Suffering with Fibromyalgia, a chronic pain condition, she has also been advocating for its awareness through media.
When Richa Malik decided to quit her cushy corporate life to pursue her dream of becoming a scuba diver instructor, little did she know that she will end up venturing into something that would change not only her life — but several other human and marine lives — entirely!
The former scuba diver was taught to carry her own bags and water bottles anywhere since childhood. A part of her knew what zero waste was and how minimalism can be followed.
While working as a diving instructor in Indonesia, Richa also started volunteering for beach clean-ups and dive clean-ups and saw the impact of plastic and what we consider as throwing ‘away’!
“The hard realisation that clean-ups alone are not enough drove me to focus towards consumption. On one particular dive, I had to chase a turtle away from a plastic bag. Plastic bags look like jellyfish underwater (turtles enjoy eating jellyfish). And this particular turtle was swimming towards what it thought was its lunch. I realised I could help that turtle on that day, but there’s no help for countless others. Over the next few months, I found a lot more plastic underwater, including packaging of the brands that I used to sell in my corporate life. Seeing the damage first-hand, I came back to India with the aim of reducing plastic consumption and The Happy Turtle was born,” the Delhi entrepreneur shares.
Read to know more about this gritty woman entrepreneur!
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I believe when people get out of their comfort zone, they end up writing their own story!
When Richa Malik decided to quit her cushy corporate life to pursue her dream of becoming a scuba diving instructor, little did she know that she will end up venturing into something that would change not only her life — but several other human and marine lives — entirely!
The former scuba diver was taught to carry her own bags and water bottles anywhere since childhood. A part of her knew what zero waste was and how minimalism can be followed.
While working as a diving instructor in Indonesia, Richa also started volunteering for beach clean-ups and dive clean-ups and saw the impact of plastic and what we consider as throwing ‘away’!
“The hard realisation that clean-ups alone are not enough drove me to focus towards consumption. On one particular dive, I had to chase a turtle away from a plastic bag. Plastic bags look like jellyfish underwater (turtles enjoy eating jellyfish). And this particular turtle was swimming towards what it thought was its lunch. I realised I could help that turtle on that day, but there’s no help for countless others. Over the next few months, I found a lot more plastic underwater, including packaging of the brands that I used to sell in my corporate life. Seeing the damage first-hand, I came back to India with the aim of reducing plastic consumption and The Happy Turtle was born,” the Delhi entrepreneur shares.
The Happy Turtle was started in October 2017 with the idea to reduce plastic consumption — however, the popular belief at that time was that an eco-friendly lifestyle meant spending more money and that it was only the responsibility of the governments and manufacturers to stop making plastic in order to get consumers to stop buying it.
Richa Malik, Founder & CEO, The Happy Turtle
This led Malik’s startup to create its own Plastic Footprint Calculator — a solution-focused tool that helps assess how much plastic an individual (or a business) uses each year and how they can reduce their plastic footprints. “We launched our online store in June 2018 on World Environment Day with a small assortment of reusable, sustainable alternatives to plastic which were made in India with the help of rural artisans. Over the past three years since our product launch, we have expanded to over 90 SKUs and work with rural artisans and women from SHGs across four states. As a result, we have helped avoid over 8 million plastic products from being used to date. In addition, our Plastic Footprint Calculator has been used by over 20,000 people to reduce their plastic footprints,” she continues.
The 36YO herself reduced her plastic footprint to less than 3 kilos per year — an average urban Indian uses 24 kilos of plastic per year. “While carrying a cloth bag and water bottle were things I grew up doing, some of the habits that changed along the way were either necessity-based or a personal choice. While diving, I switched to a menstrual cup as that was an economical, reusable solution that I could easily dive with. Soon after that, I switched to cold-pressed coconut oil for most of my moisturising needs. Now, I have a plastic-free bathroom, make my own toothpowder, use apple cider vinegar as a conditioner along with my shampoo bars,” she shares further. “I also rarely order takeaway food and prefer ordering from a place that will pack plastic-free or dishes that don’t need plastic packaging. I have stopped using an AC at home; even during peak summer and pre-covid, I would take the metro as much as possible instead of driving. I don’t buy clothes or shoes often and only buy what is needed and make it last. Switching to a sustainable lifestyle is a journey that is probably not so easy to start with as it seems daunting; however, once you take a small step, the rest of the journey seems easy.”
Establishing a plastic-free supply chain in a country where even the artisans are used to using a lot of plastic packaging was one of the initial challenges that The Happy Turtle was able to overcome successfully — becoming one of the first companies to have a plastic-free supply chain in India.
But that wasn’t the only hurdle in the way!
“When I started out to find suppliers and establish my company’s supply chain, I faced a lot of stereotypes and challenges with people asking me to transfer the call to the boss (usually indicating a man) or assuming that I am opening up a boutique or fashion outlet so would not understand supply chains and “should take their word for it”. I had to repeat my CV countless times to get taken seriously by some people. However, I chose not to work with them as I was sure that if they cannot respect a woman founder, there would be no win-win partnership with them in the future. This helped me establish a supply chain with supply partners who were helpful and respectful towards women founders, and also helped me develop a thick skin towards stereotypes that would initially get me down,” Richa recalls.
Yes, being a woman, leading a startup, handling a team and making the world a better place — the society finds it hard to handle altogether, isn’t it!!
But nothing could stop Richa from becoming what she is today! Apart from teaching humans the ways to a plastic-free life, Richa’s venture also supports a women’s SHG in UP to help them contribute to their family incomes and earn a living along with running their households. “We have also partnered with Alharh (a menstrual hygiene awareness campaign in Bihar) and created the campaign Sammaan. Through Sammaan, our customers can donate our reusable sanitary napkin kits called Unmukt, and Alharh helps distribute the kits in Bihar to help women gain access to safe, reusable menstrual hygiene products. Unmukt Sanitary Napkins are also made by the SHG women and thereby help rural women in two ways: generating a source of livelihood for the women who make them and improving access for safe menstrual hygiene products for women who receive the donated kits,” she says.
One of the most valuable lessons which Richa believes she has learned as an entrepreneur is to accept that the journey would be two steps forward, one step back. “It took a lot of effort for me to internalise this, but it has helped me look at challenges differently and expect more problems as we move further instead of assuming the journey ahead will be smooth post a certain milestone,” she continues.
In the coming years, the ecopreneur plans to grow the company both on the products and the consulting vertical — aiming to provide reusable, sustainable alternatives to most plastic products found in the house/ office and helping businesses reduce their plastic footprints by at least 30% by 2025 respectively.
As a woman entrepreneur and the sole woman founder of the company, Malik has faced multiple stereotypes both in her personal and professional life. Being a solo traveller, a scuba diver and becoming a technical diver (one of the very few Indian women to do so), Richa has realised that one can either choose to get bogged down or offended by these stereotypes or take pride in breaking them.
“I chose the latter and, over time, have developed a thick skin and the ability to laugh at such stereotypes. I believe that while the world is changing for the better, and gender equality may be a reality someday. However, we need to stop waiting for that day to come and start now by not letting the stereotypes affect us and taking pride in being the one who breaks them. To every woman out there, keep doing what you are passionate about — irrespective of the stereotypes. Don’t let naysayers get you down. There will be plenty of both along the journey, and if your objective is clear to you and you are convinced about it, then their opinion should not matter. Challenges and setbacks are bound to happen in entrepreneurship, but if your motivation for your startup is truly intrinsic and is something you believe in, then the setbacks will not and should not get you down,” Richa ends on this note!
You can visit The Happy Turtle here or follow them on Instagram!
Stay tuned to this space and our series #PassionToProfession to read about more such women, their inspiring journeys and stories.
Write your story to us and let the world get inspired by your wonderful journey!
A 'non-9-5 desk job' ambivert geek who chooses her own audience, Sonali loves sharing stories and finding the corners where humanity still exists! She believes that every individual's story is unique and special. She loves writing about the untouched and unspoken segments of society. When not writing, you can find her listening to someone's stories or playing with dogs. Sonali values mental health and encourages people to speak their heart out!
