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Ten phrases you should never say to your kids.

Written By: Suhani Sharma
July 29, 2021

Highlights

  1. The manner of communication with our kids has the potential to shape their personalities. We often don’t realize but the way we speak to them leaves a lasting impact on them.
  2. Any comment on the physical appearance of kids is disrespectful.
  3. Don’t instill unnecessary fears in a child’s mind to stop them from making mischief.
  4. Comparing your kid’s growth or achievement to other kids is hostile and emotionally damaging.
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Parents can be the biggest cheerleaders as well as harshest critics of their children. In our defense I can say that all we want is to raise our kids in the appropriate way and sometimes we may take methods which are borderline abusive towards our kids. Healthy communication is the most important aspect of right parenting and it should not be compromised on any grounds.

The manner of communication with our kids has the potential to shape their personalities. We often don’t realize but the way we speak to them leaves a lasting impact on them. It won’t be an exaggeration when I say that parenting is all about how to communicate with kids, moreover what to say and what to refrain from.

Many adults suffering from anxiety and confidence issues trace back the origin of their problems to unhealthy and toxic communication with their families.

The world may not always be kind and appreciative towards your children. There will be bullying, mocking and discouragement.  The home should be their safe haven.

Our communication with the kids influences the way they perceive the world around them.

We have enlisted ten phrases we should never tell our kids and what their impact is.

1. This colour/dress doesn’t look good on you-

Any comment on the physical appearance of kids is disrespectful. The kids may be little and unaware but they understand the sense of appreciation and criticism. It can be anything from “You don’t look good in this dress.” or “You should not wear white/black or any colour.” which may affect their self worth for a long time. 

2. If you eat more, you will get fat- 

Kids are not meant for following your fitness goals. They should not be submitted to cruel models of diets and fitness. Their age is to experiment with different tastes and relish them. You are also forcing down the wrong ideas of body image saying being fat is bad and thin is good. 

Instead, tell them about how the food affects their health and say: “Eating too much of this can be unhealthy for you and we will eat just 2 spoons or a bowl.”

You can also say: “We have eaten this enough. Let’s try something new now.”

3. I told you so- 

Making mistakes and learning from them is the way of life. That’s the way adults go about their lives too. We cannot expect our children to always be obedient and perfect. They ought to try their methods instead of always listening.

When we say “I told you so.” to them, we push them away from sharing their experiences with us. 

The child may hesitate or get scared in sharing the consequences of their actions as they fear getting scolded or being looked down on.

Instead, tell them: “It’s ok, it happens. Try doing it the way Mumma/Papa told you for the next time.”

4. You can’t do this- 

This could be the most discouraging phrase you can say to your children. Naturally, children try to attempt something purely out of curiosity and by being inspired by others. The most we can do is assist them in their attempt. Once they learn that a particular action is beyond their capacity, they will step back and wait for the right time. But what they will remember out of this will be your supporting attitude. 

If we discourage kids at the first step, they will probably try to attempt it on their own and in your absence which is even more harmful.

So what you can say instead: ” Let me help you. It will be difficult for you to do it alone.” 

5. She/ He is better than you- 

Comparing your kid’s growth or achievement to other kids is hostile and emotionally damaging. It fills them with self-doubt, low confidence and even jealousy. Do we as adults like to be compared with our friends or colleagues? Your kid may start distancing from yourself emotionally with the guilt of not making you happy or proud. 

Instead, work on their qualities and guide them in excelling in those. 

6. Boys don’t cry or Don’t be a cry baby-

Tears and grief are not age or gender-specific. Crying is a healthy way of letting out one’s emotions and suppression of one’s emotion of sadness can lead to anger and aggression. When we stop our kids from crying, we are not only hampering their emotional growth but are also teaching them to pile up their feelings. 

Studies show that many men who have temperament issues or are violent towards their partners have been stopped from expressing their anger and sadness through tears. Also, they believe that crying is an act of weakness and therefore they don’t respect the opposite gender. 

Dr. Ishinna Sadana is a certified parenting expert and empowers parents to find positive ways of raising happy children @https://www.instagram.com/dr.ishinnasadana/

7. Girls/Boys don’t do this-

It’s the 21st century. Gender stereotypes have been thrashed and broken multiple times. Many parents now are choosing gender-neutral parenting. 

Let your child do whatever they like doing irrespective of their gender. 

It can start with something simple like letting your daughters play with monster trucks and buy your son a kitchen playset if he wants. 

To read more about gender-neutral parenting, read https://infano.care/gender-neutral-parenting-parenting-beyond-stereotypes/

8. We can’t afford it- 

If you as a family ever face financial difficulties, think a lot before disclosing it to the children. 

Telling them that you can’t afford to buy a new toy for your kid is just not the right way to put it across, even as a casual joke. 

It may cause fear and inferiority complex in them and they may start hiding their genuine needs from you. 

Instead, try explaining that this will help you as a family to save for more important things. 

9. If you don’t listen to me I will….

Parents often use the threat as a last resort to get their kids to behave the way they want but it’s not a healthy and long-term plan. 

Also, it may backfire as kids get rebellious or its effect keeps on getting reduced.

Don’t instill unnecessary fears in a child’s mind to stop them from making mischief. 

We all carry one or the other fear of our childhood into our adult life. It may be a fear of insects, ghosts or even a policeman. 

Instead, tell them the reason you don’t want them to behave in a wrong way. 

10. Go give a hug or kiss to them- 

It looks adorable when tiny kids give a peck on your cheeks or hug you with their little arms. But don’t be in a misunderstanding, even infants and toddlers have a sense of comfort about their physical space. 

Learn to respect their space and body. 

Kids get the sense and vibes from others just like adults. Never force them to give a hug or kiss someone otherwise it may turn out very dangerous for the future. 

Set and learn to respect their boundaries from the youngest age.

Always ask for their consent and try to teach them a sense of good and bad touch. 

Ambica Agrawal is a parenting coach and she shares her wonderful insights through her instagram page @true_parenting_story

Child psychologists also believe that appreciating your kid at every small achievement with phrases like ‘good job’ can be detrimental to their emotional strength as they may get dependent on your appreciation for every little task. 

Be respectful towards their feelings and emotions. Practice non-violent parenting. 

What else do you think parents should refrain from saying to their kids? Share with us in the comments.

Suhani Sharma

Suhani is a Company Secretary by education but a writer by passion. She has studied film appreciation at FTII, Pune. She is an independent blogger and has been blogging on cinema for more than seven years.

She believes in open dialogues about the taboo subjects in society and with Infano she wants to encourage its readers to have a conversation around them.

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Infano Care

The psychology behind successful moms

Written By: Infano
April 27, 2020 | 04:50 AM |
1,382
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Being a mother is the most thankless job in the world. No matter how much one tries, one cannot express the role a mother plays in his/her life. From balancing her personal and professional life to always striving to provide the best to her children, she does it all. Family is always her topmost priority and even her personal wants take a backseat when it comes to choosing between family and personal needs.

Being a happy and successful mother is not easy by any means. Here are some of the habits which are common among all the successful mothers:

Personal-Professional life: Balancing the professional and personal life is one of the best habits you observe in all the successful mothers. A successful mother always provides equal importance to both, career and family.

Schedule: Organisational skill is one aspect which is found common among all the successful mothers. She always knows what she wants and has an impeccable skill of prioritising her tasks. Her schedule not only includes her daily chores but she also manages to spend time with her family. 

Multitasking: A lot of people try not multitask and fail. They end up paying only half attention to each task while multitasking. But, not a successful mother. She is the queen of multitasking and can undertake various activities simultaneously without breaking a sweat.

Be a Friend: A successful mother treats her children like friends. She encourages her child to communicate about each and everything to her. She listens patiently to her child like a friend would and comforts them. 

Prepare for future: A successful mother prepares for the future rather than worrying about the present or past scenario. She would line all her tasks to achieve the future goals of her family.

Forgiving others: A successful mother would easily forgive her child for any mistakes. She does not hold any grudges and understands that being resentful and bitter would only hold them back further in life.

Friendly ParentsmomsProfessional momspsychology

Infano

Infano is a platform that aims to impact every facet of a woman's life - health, career, motherhood, lifestyle, and much more. We are a team of like-minded individuals who wish to be a support to women from all walks of life and in everything they do. Our aim, through our posts and articles, is to bring to light the issues and problems that women face in their day-to-day life, to try and make their life a little easier and a little better, provide the latest news updates of women around the world, and to highlight their big and small achievements. We celebrate womanhood each and every day.

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