Due to a lot of work commitments, my 18-year-old daughter Trisha and I have not had a hangout since long. It felt like an eternity since we had even eaten out together. Last week we finally decided on a staycation. It was all fun and we were soon spilling the beans over mocktails. We have always shared a bond that accommodates all sorts of gossip. Be it my workplace drama or her crush updates all of that has always been a part of our conversation.
We were deftly leading from one topic to another. In the meantime, Trisha talked about her new purchase. A Vibrator.
Well, for a moment I felt like the morsel of food got stuck in my throat. Prior to this, we had conversations about anything and everything but this topic of self-pleasure was new at the table. I quickly chugged the mocktail in anticipation of what awaited me.
Trisha continued, “Mumma, after exploring it down there manually, I thought purchasing a vibrator would be a good choice.”
I was as perplexed as satisfied with my daughter being able to talk about self-pleasure without a hiccup. But besides that, I also dreaded sources of information leading her astray.
She further added,” My friends were discussing their first brush with pleasure. All of us had quite a different experience with self-pleasure.”
I was inquisitively listening to her. To make the conversation more expansive I asked her what she actually felt about her body while masturbating. She asserted,” Mumma, initially I did not feel a lot down there, usually I felt wetness in the vagina but once I discovered my clitoris, I started experiencing pleasure.” The conversation about self-pleasure was all new to me. Above all, my daughter was the most unexpected person to talk with about it. Nevertheless, I asked, “Trisha, Are these vibrators safe to use?” “Yes, of course, They are designed for the very purpose of stimulating the genitals, Hence are safe to use.”, she replied without batting an eyelid. I was relieved to note my daughter’s knowledge about the topic. This also dispelled my fear of her misinformation.
Now I didn’t brace for what came next. Trisha casually asked “ Mumma, how was your experience with the self-pleasure, if you want to share?” She smirked. The question hit me blank for a moment. As back in my teenage, conversations around sexual pleasure were often brushed under the carpet. Those who brought that up were straight-up slut- shamed. Thus, pleasure long remained a taboo unless I got married. The lack of discourse around these sexual-pleasure lead to a lot of misinformation and ignorance about female bodies. Hence, experiencing self-pleasure was completely out of the question. I casually shrugged, expressing Inexperience. And that was it. We called it a day and drove back to our place. The conversation left me with the afterthoughts such as – Even if I know my body well, why did I subvert my pleasure all along? It also prompted me to establish a new relationship with my own body.
After all, It was about time to subside the shame and actually experience self pleasure.
Interestingly, this also led me to think how important it is for a parent and a child to share a close bond. It is not necessary for you to lead your child, at times let them lead you to some unexplored facets. It is critical to hold conversations around sex education, self pleasure and sexuality with your child. Besides that women need to smash the taboo around self-pleasure. Our bodies deserve the love we desire. It is integral to openly talk about female pleasure unless it no longer remains a taboo.
Also Read: 10 Questions To Ask Your Partner To Improve Sexual Intimacy