Marriage Should Not Mean The End Of A Woman’s Career

Spread the love

Indian parents educate and bring up their daughters, only to make them quit their careers later to marry and settle down, because after all, that’s the purpose of a woman’s life, isn’t it? Daughters spend their entire life asking for permission from their parents to do things, thinking things will change as adults. But Indian parents control every aspect of a woman’s grown up life as well.

“Till you are in my house you will do as I say, then it’s your husband’s call”, is a sentence we hear too many times growing up thinking that a modern progressive husband will probably not interfere in our decision making, But that’s not how it works, does it?

“Will you allow me to work after marriage”, is then another question we seek answers from during the matchmaking process. Because guess what, Indians want a highly educated woman but not a working woman. She has to end her career to take up her roles as wife and daughter-in-law and having a full-time job won’t let her do that. Because then, who will take care of the house?

Ghar kaun Sambhalege? Who will take care of the house?

The reality is that Indian marriages seek more homemakers to run the house effectively so that a man can continue going about his everyday life smoothly. Basically, they need a support system for the man and the availability of free labour for all household work. Our society has put the pressure of livelihood earning on a man’s shoulders and made the woman the primary caregiver. Marriage then is less of a partnership and more a caretaker’s job. A woman may be a lawyer, a doctor but her cooking skill takes precedence over the endless nights she spent earning her degree.

Marriage is a very important milestone. As is followed in most cultures, the woman leaves home to join her husband and makes a new beginning in an entirely new space which may or may not involve more family members. A man moving in with his in-laws as a ghar jamai is frowned upon by society. Moving cities or homes and living with a new person, adapting to a new family, etc. is a very big adjustment. But ‘adjust and compromise’ are the keywords in a good marriage or so we are told and the onus is only on the woman to make these adjustments and compromises.

For an already working woman, this new lifestyle may seem overwhelming and many chose to take a break from their career to take out time for it. Many others however leave their jobs at the behest of their new husband or in-laws. And some feel that since they have a person now to take care of them financially, their job and career is no more important. “He is already earning well, why do you have to do a job”, is a question people ask.

A job means having an identity of her own beyond the role of a wife, daughter, and mother. It is the platform for her skill and creativity. Being a woman does not mean that cooking and needlework are the only skills to possess. And if a woman retains the job, motherhood becomes a milestone where she is expected to then give up her career because who will take care of the kids?

Don’t quit your job just for the sake of marriage

Marriage or pregnancy should not necessarily mean a stop in the career. Take a break if that is required to slip into marital life or motherhood, but let it not be a reason for quitting a career. But most Indian women know that this will only increase the pressure on them because our society has not trained men with life skills to run a house and has made this entirely a woman’s job. She knows that after slogging at work she has to rush to a home with hungry kids and husband, a home with dirty dishes and laundry and incomplete school work.

For a working woman, her job provides financial security, freedom, and independence. It earns her respect. This should not change. Financial independence is of utmost importance for any woman to fall back on in dire times. Not being monetarily dependent on the husband means that your relationship is not one of financial dependency. It’s more about companionship.

Having an income and being financially secure should earn you respect and can help to fall back on when times are bad. A husband should not be treated like an ATM machine. Those men who ‘disallow’ women to work after marriage are the result of the age-old patriarchy that is embedded in them and this behavior will extend to many other things after marriage. Indian households won’t even involve women in matters of finance and investments. Many a time women are left in the dark of family properties, assets, policies, and in case of divorce or widowhood, they are suddenly left to fend for themselves.

Men and women should be equal partners in every aspect, be it homemaking, parenting, or earning a livelihood. Though this is easier said than done, this should definitely be a strong factor while choosing a life partner. We need to change these narratives of seeing women only as homemakers and men as providers. Many young couples are identifying and waking up to the concept of equal work-sharing in marriage, realising that chores and financial burdens need to be shared. Though the final choice of picking up home over career remains a woman’s, the institution of marriage should not bind her to make this choice and should be her freewill. Support the women around you in making a respectful choice for themselves.

Spread the love

“Sooraj toh roz hi jeet ta hai, chaand ka bhi toh din aata hai na!”

If you have ‘The Last Color’, you’d be knowing what I’m talking about. The Last Color is meant to be viewed with patience, with empathy, with love — it’s an amalgamation of the societal rules that ruined several lives, the beauty of Varanasi which seems to be lost in the modernization and the essence of ’90s with which my friends and I grew up!

“Can the city of the dead also outlast the rest of extant civilization? Can a vast number of its women in white really remember the meaning of color? Can a foundling from a garbage dump pay homage to a corpse in the joyous pinks and reds of Holi? Some say, those can only happen in Varanasi,” celebrity Chef Vikas Khanna’s novel ‘The Last Color’ reads out — which has recently taken the shape of a motion picture, directed by the author himself.

The film starts in 2013 and gets a flashback of 24 years. We follow the troubled childhood of Supreme Court Advocate Noor Saxena aka Chhoti, who ensures the widows of Varanasi get a chance to celebrate Holi, too. Why must they be deprived of colours and beauty and companionship?

Growing up, Chhoti a homeless orphan, who earns money as a flower seller and a rope walker, is poorly treated by people and labelled as untouchable for belonging to a lower caste. A fighter and a survivor, the little girl strikes an unlikely friendship with a transgender, Anarkali and a widow, also called Noor. The outcasts find solace in each other until an evil local police officer starts harassing the trio for no logical reason.

But as we reach the climax, we find that little Chhoti grows up to become a successful lawyer who fights for transgenders’ and widows’ rights; however, she loses her beloved friends in her journey.

The Last Color intends to bring out the darker side of society. Although the film attempts to shed light upon too many issues — miserable lives of widows, casteism, domestic violence, transgenders’ misery, police corruption, etc., it did leave a message at the end.

And no matter how modern you call yourselves or how much you rate this attempt as just a movie, the fact is that others still oppress a major portion of society — especially if they are widows, transgenders, less educated or are from a low caste.

The Last Color is a reminder that the art of filmmaking is not just about making things big and grand, but it is also about making an impact. Though the film did not impress the audience, who happen to watch fancy college stories more than art films; a considerable fraction was really moved.

Neena Gupta really saved this movie by playing the character of Noor. She, portraying a widow, left an imprint and a question, “are all women getting equal rights; are they really living their dream?”

I personally liked this Vikas Khanna’s debut film because he chose to cast a transwoman for Anarkali’s role and did not think of taking any other actor wearing lehenga! Rudrani Chhetri’s impressive portrayal of Anarkali, a transwoman, is worth mentioning.

And Aqsa Siddiqui, as Chhoti, would remind of you of your childhood and the notoriety which gets lost on the street — a constant fear that people like us carry for these kids.

“I’m a trained chef, not a filmmaker. Yet people have said that the film moves very organically and nobody can take away the fact that it is so original,” Khanna said on his directorial debut. “People have showered their love on me ever since the movie has come. It moves people, and they feel it is their movie. Growing up, we always felt that movie making is magical. Now people see that if I can make a movie, anybody can make a movie.”

In August 2012, the Supreme Court had passed orders for the rehabilitation and empowerment of widows. After the historic decision, in March 2013, around 800 women had gathered together and celebrated the festival of colours for the first time in Vrindavan.