Growing up in a culture where discussing sex is frowned upon, it is natural for everyone to be embarrassed to discuss the concept of consent in context of physical relationships.
Most couples hesitate to discuss sex. While they enjoy talking about every other topic under the sun, they hardly talk about intimacy and sexual interests.
Even married couples feel embarrassed to talk about sexual interests with their partners. The majority do not even ask their partner whether they are comfortable for a sexual encounter before engaging in it.
People tend to assume that they have the green light by default. The idea that one person is responsible for asking or pushing for sex is not only unfair and unsafe to the other partner but is also heteronormative. It supports the belief that one person has more power and control than the other in a sexual act. This mentality can put many people in vulnerable situations that could potentially lead to sexual assault.
The most common objection to practicing consent is the belief that asking someone to kiss or touch them will “kill the mood” or be less romantic, as if being open about what is going on between two people makes it less sexy. But it is not so.
Sexual consent is an essential part of healthy relationships and should always be communicated clearly. Asking for consent must become an indispensable part of the sexual act.
Here is a guide to help you understand what consent means in the context of sex, and how to ask for consent without killing the mood.
What is a Consent?
Consent is a mutual agreement or understanding between the partners who engage in sexual activity. It is about communicating your sexual interests with your partner.
Discussions on consent improve healthy sex life and make your relationship better.
Kill the Myth – Not the Mood
The fact that consent kills the mood remains a commonly overlooked aspect. It is a myth that asking for consent breaks the mood. Talking consent with your partner strengthens your bond and helps improve your sexual relationship.
Consent is a spark when it comes to emotional connection, desire, intimacy, and sex. Talking consent is a great way to spice up your sex life and gives each partner a chance to state their needs and desires clearly.
How to ask for consent without killing the mood?
Get the guts to communicate with your partner
In general, sex and intimate relationships are vulnerable subjects, and many people feel uncomfortable initiating conversations about consent.
It is natural to feel embarrassed or feel nervous to start a conversation about consent. Talking consent helps you figure out the likes and dislikes of your partner and whether they are feeling safe with your act.
It communicates respect and builds intimacy with your partner and demonstrates your maturity. It need not be a long conversation. Just go with the flow. Ensure that it is a mutual and open conversation wherein both you and your partner can voice your comfort levels to have an enjoyable sexual experience.
Ask about your partner’s desires and interests
True romantic relationships rely on respect and trust. Couples should feel free to know each other’s interests and difficulties and should indulge in intimate talks for a healthy sexual experience.
Allow your partner to express and share their boundaries, preferences, curiosities confidently.
How to ask your partner whether she or he is ready to engage in sex?
“Are you comfortable with going ahead?”.
“Are you okay with this?”
“May I kiss you?”
Clear verbal communication in positive language is one of the greatest assets for your sexual relationship.
Respect your partner’s boundaries
If you want to move from kissing to intimate touch, try to communicate your desires with love and respect without pressuring your partner. Be honest about what you want and what you do not.
Asking for consent at every stage shows that you respect your partner’s confidentiality. Let your partner know it is okay if they want to stop or do something different.
Do not act like you feel rejected or make your partner feel like they turned you off. They might say no because they are not comfortable or not interested at that moment or for many other reasons.
Do not ask for consent again and again
Respect your partner’s feelings. Once your partner says no, let it be so. Accept it. Asking your partner repeatedly to engage in a sexual act until they give in is not consent but coercion.
One should know that a sexual encounter without consent is a sexual assault or rape, even with your married partner.
It’s not like once the consent is given, it is granted every time. Pressuring or forcing your partner into sex is a sign of an unhealthy and unsafe relationship with dangerous consequences in the future and can ruin your relation.
Consent does not break your mood but opens the way for greater clarity, safety, pleasure, and ecstasy. Take your time. Get comfortable with each other. Consensual sex can be the biggest turn on.