Let’s Talk About Consent

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Growing up in a culture where discussing sex is frowned upon, it is natural for everyone to be embarrassed to discuss the concept of consent in context of physical relationships.

Most couples hesitate to discuss sex. While they enjoy talking about every other topic under the sun, they hardly talk about intimacy and sexual interests.

Even married couples feel embarrassed to talk about sexual interests with their partners. The majority do not even ask their partner whether they are comfortable for a sexual encounter before engaging in it.

People tend to assume that they have the green light by default. The idea that one person is responsible for asking or pushing for sex is not only unfair and unsafe to the other partner but is also heteronormative. It supports the belief that one person has more power and control than the other in a sexual act. This mentality can put many people in vulnerable situations that could potentially lead to sexual assault.

The most common objection to practicing consent is the belief that asking someone to kiss or touch them will “kill the mood” or be less romantic, as if being open about what is going on between two people makes it less sexy. But it is not so.

Sexual consent is an essential part of healthy relationships and should always be communicated clearly. Asking for consent must become an indispensable part of the sexual act.

Here is a guide to help you understand what consent means in the context of sex, and how to ask for consent without killing the mood.

What is a Consent?

Consent is a mutual agreement or understanding between the partners who engage in sexual activity. It is about communicating your sexual interests with your partner.

Discussions on consent improve healthy sex life and make your relationship better.

Kill the Myth – Not the Mood

The fact that consent kills the mood remains a commonly overlooked aspect. It is a myth that asking for consent breaks the mood. Talking consent with your partner strengthens your bond and helps improve your sexual relationship.

Consent is a spark when it comes to emotional connection, desire, intimacy, and sex. Talking consent is a great way to spice up your sex life and gives each partner a chance to state their needs and desires clearly.

How to ask for consent without killing the mood?

Get the guts to communicate with your partner

In general, sex and intimate relationships are vulnerable subjects, and many people feel uncomfortable initiating conversations about consent.

It is natural to feel embarrassed or feel nervous to start a conversation about consent. Talking consent helps you figure out the likes and dislikes of your partner and whether they are feeling safe with your act.

It communicates respect and builds intimacy with your partner and demonstrates your maturity. It need not be a long conversation. Just go with the flow. Ensure that it is a mutual and open conversation wherein both you and your partner can voice your comfort levels to have an enjoyable sexual experience.

Ask about your partner’s desires and interests

True romantic relationships rely on respect and trust. Couples should feel free to know each other’s interests and difficulties and should indulge in intimate talks for a healthy sexual experience.

Allow your partner to express and share their boundaries, preferences, curiosities confidently.

How to ask your partner whether she or he is ready to engage in sex?

“Are you comfortable with going ahead?”.

“Are you okay with this?”

“May I kiss you?”

Clear verbal communication in positive language is one of the greatest assets for your sexual relationship.

Respect your partner’s boundaries

If you want to move from kissing to intimate touch, try to communicate your desires with love and respect without pressuring your partner. Be honest about what you want and what you do not.

Asking for consent at every stage shows that you respect your partner’s confidentiality. Let your partner know it is okay if they want to stop or do something different.

Do not act like you feel rejected or make your partner feel like they turned you off. They might say no because they are not comfortable or not interested at that moment or for many other reasons.

Do not ask for consent again and again

Respect your partner’s feelings. Once your partner says no, let it be so. Accept it. Asking your partner repeatedly to engage in a sexual act until they give in is not consent but coercion.

One should know that a sexual encounter without consent is a sexual assault or rape, even with your married partner.

It’s not like once the consent is given, it is granted every time. Pressuring or forcing your partner into sex is a sign of an unhealthy and unsafe relationship with dangerous consequences in the future and can ruin your relation.

The Bottom-line

Consent does not break your mood but opens the way for greater clarity, safety, pleasure, and ecstasy. Take your time. Get comfortable with each other. Consensual sex can be the biggest turn on.

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The latest study report on breast cancer states that one in twenty-eight Indian Women is likely to develop the breast cancer during her lifetime.

Breast Cancer occurs in the epithelium(lining cells of the ducts) 85% or in the lobules 15%(glandular tissue of the breasts). Initially, the cancerous growth is confined into the duct or lobule where it generally causes no symptoms or has fewer chances of spreading.

Regular self-examination of breasts can help early detection of abnormalities and thus makes the treatment easier. Though all the lumps and abnormalities do not develop into breast cancers still one should report any changes to the doctor.

What is Self-examination of breasts?

A breast self-exam is a method of checking the breasts through manual or visual inspection to detect any abnormalities, irritation, changes in size, or discoloration of breasts that can potentially lead to breast cancer.

Every woman should perform a self-check of breasts once a month. The menstruating woman can perform the exam after periods. This is considered a good time as the breasts are not tender and lumpy at this time of the monthly cycle. The ones who have stopped menstruating or have irregular periods can pick a particular day of the month to do the self-exam. It can be the start of the month, end of the month, or simply any date that can be easily remembered.

A breast self-exam is an easy procedure and it hardly takes a few minutes and thus can be done while undressing at night, taking a shower, or lying in bed.

How to perform the exam?

There are a couple of easy ways to self-examine the breasts – Visual inspection and Manual inspection.

Visual Breast Examination

With your clothes and bra removed stand in front of the mirror. Stand straight with both your arms down now closely look for any visible changes in the size of the breast, discoloration of nipples, breast swelling, or dimpling

Secondly, raise your arms high overhead and detect a similar change.

Third, Place both the hands on your hips and press firmly until the chest muscles flex. Look for similar changes again in both the breasts.

Manual Breast Examination

Manual inspection is a comparatively effective way to conduct self-check. With your clothes and bra removed use your right hand to check your left breast and vice versa. Use the pads of your three fingers to press on every part of one breast changes the pressure from the light, medium to firm. Feel any thick spots, lumps, and other changes. Move your fingers clockwise around the breast now gently press the tissue under the arms to look for any changes there. After this squeeze, the nipples gently check the discharge and notice any discoloration around them.

Repeat the same steps for another breast.

When to see a doctor?

Post conducting the self-examination of breasts if you notice any of the below-mentioned changes immediately report to your doctor –

Changes in look, size, and color of the breasts

Changes in look, size, and color of the nipples.

Dark-colored patches around the breasts or nipples.

Thick spot, hard knot, or lump on breast tissue.

Pain in some parts of the breast tissue.

Rashes on nipples or breasts

Swelling on one or both the breasts.

Inward pulling of the nipple or other areas.

A regular monthly self-examination of breasts can detect any possible problem at an early stage and thus makes the treatment easier and effective. Though self-examinations are important, these should not replace screening tests such as ultrasounds and mammograms recommended by doctors. Also, regular visits to the gynecologist is always a good practice.

Also Read: How these Celebrities Braved Breast Cancer

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