Karva Chauth – Let's re-think this celebration of love - Infano Women's Health | Lifestyle

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It’s that day of the year again. The pandemic has subdued the celebration of most of the festivals, but this is not one of the days that can be overlooked, even in these situations. It’s Karva Chauth today – a day when married women, mostly across North India, observe fast, even avoiding water, from sunrise to moonrise, in order to seek blessings for the long life of their husbands.

The Society Pressure

A lot of preparations go into getting ready for the special day – shopping for clothes and jewelry, beauty treatments to look your best, selection of Mehandi designs, puja planning, arranging the food delicacies, etc. It is a general practice these days to celebrate the festival together with friends and family – where the husbands and kids are all grouped together, enjoying the food and drinks, while the ladies are all together, chatting, performing rituals, and waiting anxiously for the moon to appear in order to complete rituals and break their fast.

It has almost become synonymous that more the effort a woman puts into the rituals and festivities, the more is her love for her husband. But does a woman still have to prove her love and dedication to her husband by her fasting on this particular day? Doesn’t she already do that all through the year, every single day?

Traditions – To follow or not to

Traditions play a major part in our lives, especially in Indian society. We have grown up watching our elders follow the same rituals and these traditions are so embedded in our hearts that we almost stop using our rationale when following these customs, especially when it involves the person, we probably love the most. ‘What if I do not do this, and something bad happens’ – this is a chance that we do not want to take. But aren’t such thoughts and doubts the basis of most superstitions which we are trying to shun, like that of a cat crossing our paths?

Isn’t this patriarchy – The Doubt

At some stage, most women question if their long life is also as important as their husband’s. But of course, most of them do not voice their thoughts for the fear of being judged. Rituals that are so gender-specific create a sense of inequality and self-doubt in our hearts. Women are as important as men, but the value of her life seems lesser in the minds of society. She is the one who is expected to be responsible and sacrifice for the man. The rituals almost send out a patriarchal vibe that the man is the important person in the family, the core person who we cannot afford to lose.

Change of Heart

A sequence from the very popular Hindi movie – Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge – shows the hero fasting on Karva Chauth along with this beloved. The sequence floored the audiences and showed something that was literally unheard of, inspiring a few young husbands of that generation to do the same. And to think about it, though very glamorized in the movie, if and when we celebrate Karva Chauth isn’t that what it should be – a celebration of love, a prayer for having a long-life together – for each other, by each other?

So, it’s that day of the year again! We all need a little celebration to light up our lives, but this year should we celebrate it as a day where we continue to endorse the patriarchy, or is it the day where we re-evaluate our concept of marriage – a partnership of equals… in every sense.

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December 9 was the birthday of Sonia Gandhi, President of Indian National Congress, and the hashtag #BarDancerDay was once again trending on our Twitter timelines.

And before I proceed, let me clarify that this was not the first time when the 74YO politician was derogated, both by her rivalries and the common countrymen!

The entire Twitter was blown up with derogatory memes and insulting jokes about Sonia Gandhi’s alleged career as a bar dancer in Italy before meeting Rajeev Gandhi and moving to India. The hashtag #BarDancerDay got so viral that even a Google search on ‘Italian bar dancer’ and ‘bar dancer of Italy in India’ started showing Sonia Gandhi in the featured section.

SONIA GANDHI AFTER WATCHING THIS TREND 😀😀😀😀 #BarDancer pic.twitter.com/GoxpBSg0fC
— कटर हिन्दू (@Anshuvirdhi1) April 23, 2020

But just for the purpose of clarification, Sonia Gandhi was born and brought up in Italy, and she did work as a bartender, not a bar dancer, in an Italian restaurant during her college days to manage her expenses.

But who am I to play jury to the authenticity of any of these claims or everything else the politician has been accused of so far; but the kind of reaction invoked by these hashtags and arguments is appalling, to say the least.

For everyone, who wish for a society to be equal and respectful to every person, despite the class, caste, gender or profession, this was nothing less than daylight torture as the Twitterattis were using the profession of bar dancer as abuse and insult to defame a woman.

I totally Condemn these #अंतरराष्ट्रीय_बार_डांसर_दिवस #BarDancerDay

Rather #KnowYourSonia
Feat. Dr. @Swamy39 ji
Link: https://t.co/7g4Bu5vAP4 pic.twitter.com/queMuacaPr
— Worshipping Peace (@Hinduismispeace) December 9, 2020

The misogyny existing in our Indian society is not something new that you would witness — people in our society are so grossly sexist that it hurts every time you think about it. And this incident proves that it’s not only men but also women who carry the ounce of misogyny in them.

The kind of comments made for the president of INC make you question yourself — that is this the new futuristic India they were planning? Or if we are really living in 2020? Weren’t we supposed to figure out the unemployment issues and the slow down the adverse climate change affect?

The saddest part about this whole incident is that the profession ‘bar dancer’ is being used as an insult to women — as if the women who work in bars and restaurants are filthy and do not deserve the right to live the same way as we do! And the set of men making such comments and insulting Gandhi using the term ‘bar dancer’ are exactly the same set of men who would go out to ‘ such places’, make these women feel inferior, calls them out unsanskari and yet seek enjoyment out of it!!

Sonia’s picture morphed on Marilyn Monroe (Source: Hoax or fact)

And let’s not forget the ever-increasing crime rate against women in our country; reminding us every second that the crime mindsets are just residing among us, probably making another derogatory comment against some woman on Twitter.

By mocking and insulting Sonia Gandhi for just working in a bar, millions of people have intentionally or unintentionally mocked and insulted thousands of those women who works in bars/ restaurants/ clubs to make their ends meet. This incident is a reflection of misogyny — the fact that how our society has evolved as ‘open-minded, modern, yet insensible and misogynistic’ and how far it can go just for the sake of bashing the political rivals.

There were ways to call someone out — one can argue, insult or debate in many respectful ways, a concept that our society is far from — but when it’s a woman at the receiving end of criticism, we forget our lihaaj and limits.

I guess it’s high time (no that high time has been here since forever) that we let go of this selective approach of respecting women and leave any form of prejudice behind. It doesn’t really take a lot to have basic human decency and respect for women (any gender, in fact) and it’s time that we should start practicing it.

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