Identifying Narcissistic Personality Disorder And Narcissistic Abuse

What is Narcissistic personality disorder ?

“Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a condition in which a person has an exaggerated sense of his/her own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration and troubled relationships with family and at work”, says Dr. Anirudh Kala, a psychiatrist. “There is a striking lack of empathy for others because of which there is an inability to perceive the needs and feelings of others.”

What is Narcissistic abuse?

Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional abuse inflicted by someone who suffers from narcissism. The dynamics of abuse are very complex to understand, and the damage such an experience causes can only be known when experienced first-hand.

People who see it on the surface level force you to move on even forget about what happened or let it go as if it was that easy. They even start blaming you covertly by saying things like, “you attracted the abuse because there are unhealing parts within you or allowed it to happen.”
Past traumas play a role in the relationships we choose, but that is not the only factor.

The dynamics are similar to the dynamics of being captured in jail if you were to understand the research-based psychological principles behind abuse dynamics. it doesn’t only affect us emotionally but on all levels.
The abuser gets to the core of your psyche and then controls you in insidious ways and that control changes your personality. They will minimize your suffering blame it on you for causing it in the first place.

How to identify Narcissistic behaviour?

A person with NPD may have the following traits:

Shows extreme confidence but has vulnerable self-esteem which to the slightest criticism and often leads to lashing out and vengeful behavior when wishes are not fulfilled. Has a very strong sense of entitlement which needs to be constantly fed with excessive admiration. Spends a lot of time in grooming and keeping the wardrobe updated.

Is preoccupied with fantasies about his/her success, power, brilliance, beauty, or handsomeness.

Believes in self-superiority and associates only with people who are similarly placed because they are the only ones who will understand them.

Feels a need to outshine others in order to exaggerate self-achievements and talents.

Is manipulative, exploitative, and insists on having the best of everything — the best car, the corner office, and the best house out of the company pool, the best corporate jet.

Feels an innate need to be in control of things and situations. They want to be informed of their partner’s whereabouts, will check and keep a tab on their social media and correspondence, will criticize and control the aspects of their physical appearances, and will be the decision-maker on their behalf as if the partner’s say or opinion has nothing to do.

Monopolizes conversations to the dismay of your friends and colleagues. They will want to head the conversation often bordering on their accomplishments and superiority and will offer unsolicited opinions.

Blames you when adversity strikes. Projection of blame is more like a self-defense mechanism they employ when they feel psychologically threatened. This can be frustrating and unfair as the partner gets accused of doing things that they aren’t actually doing.

Lacks empathy or the ability to identify with or recognize the experiences and feelings of other people. They want everything to be about them and belong to them. They have zero respect for personal boundaries often mistreating, devaluing, and humiliating others with their speech and actions.

How to deal with Narcissistic behaviour?

Marital disharmony is common between such partners because the other can feel overpowered by a sense to upkeep the NPD’s reputation and may feel their partner is their ‘energy stealer’. However, relationships can work if one is a highly passive person content to be in the shadow. The image of bravado actually masks a strongly risk-averse personality.

Persons with NPD are more prone than others to develop depression and paranoid disorders. Identifying such personality streaks, therefore, becomes necessary. Asking a Narcissist to undergo therapy is easier said than done. One can instead lookout for support groups. Sometimes it may take some convincing because usually, they begin to think that a manipulative interaction between them and their partner is normal and that’s how generally relationships are. A strong support group can help the victim to break out of this assumption and help them realize the extent of manipulation by their partner and slowly break away from it.

If you or someone you know is in a manipulative relationship, it is best to seek help.

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Five minutes before marriage, non-consensual sex can be considered rape under Section 375 of IPC, but five minutes after marriage, it is legal and not against the law!

Before I write any further, let me tell you that India is one of the remaining 36 countries in the world that hasn’t criminalised marital rape yet ― and is still in favour of it.

Section 375 of the IPC, which prohibits rape, comes with an exception, which reads: “sexual intercourse or sexual acts by a man with his own wife, the wife not being under fifteen years of age, is not rape.”

Opposing several PILs to criminalise marital rape, the Government of India told Delhi HC, “Various other countries, mostly Western, have criminalised marital rape, but it does not necessarily mean India should also follow them blindly. This country has its own unique problems due to various factors like literacy, lack of financial empowerment of a majority of females, mindset of society, vast diversity, poverty, etc., and these should be considered carefully before criminalising marital rape.”

_{“Defining marital rape would call for a broad-based consensus in society. As to what constitutes marital rape and what would not constitute marital rape needs to be defined precisely before a view on its criminalisation is taken.”}
_Centre

The High Court petitioners are calling that patriarchal.

Our society has built up this idea that sexual violence or rape only happens outside the home ― but what if the same is happening inside the four walls but not getting any recognition? Why is that a non-consensual rape within marriage is considered private, and there is no protocol or punishment for the same?

“After marriage, it’s the husband’s right over the body of the wife, and this concept that a woman can refuse sex within marriage is not widely accepted. In fact, it was not even accepted by the government. That’s why the exception continues today.”
_{Mariam Dhawale, General Secretary of the All India Democratic Women’s Association (AIDWA)}

“The medical evidence indicates injuries, marks or coloration etc. of the body, in particular on the back or chest or private parts, that can certainly provide ample corroboration. But this corroborative evidence may be rendered useless in case of allegations of marital rape. It will be difficult to determine as to when the consent was withdrawn by the married woman. The cost of the circumstantial and corroborative evidence will become futile in case of marital rape,” the Centre said.

It also added that “deletion of exception 2 of Section 375 would make marital rape a cognisable, non-bailable and non-compoundable offence. This would stop all the chances of a settlement between the husband and wife, which is possible under Section 498A of IPC.”

Centre’s statement to oppose criminalising marital rape clearly shows where we stand!

The sad part is that several women don’t even know that they have the right to say ‘no’ ― that they have rights over their ‘own’ body and that they can say ‘no’ to their husbands.

Marital rape is undoubtedly a very sensitive topic, but in a country like India, where sexual violence within families is considered ‘normal’ and goes unreported, it is more daunting for women.

_{According to the National Family Health Survey, ‘about 30% Indian women aged 18-49 reported having experienced spousal violence. In terms of sexual violence, the average Indian woman is 17 times more likely to face sexual violence from her husband than from anyone else, according to the survey of 724,115 women.’}

As if the Centre’s stand was not enough, a lot of men also carried out a ‘Marriage Strike’ campaign on social media platforms to lobby against the criminalisation of marital rape.

#RepublicDay2022 is actually#NoRepublicDay4Men in India due to #UnconstitutionalCrPC

Indian #Government and #Judicial System has forced the male for #MarriageStrike
— SIFF Spokesperson (@jaidutt1) January 25, 2022

शौख नहीं आम आदमियों का मुजबुरी है- #मैरिजस्ट्राइक जोरूरी है!
It is not a hobby for common people – #MarriageStrike is necessary!#MaritalRape PIL to term Husband #Rapist for sex with his own Wife going on.#BoyCottMarriage with #IndianWomen!@barandbench @LiveLawIndia @LawBeatInd pic.twitter.com/107IL05249
— SwarupSarkar (@swarup1972) January 21, 2022

“Their argument is based on the premise that men are entitled to sex in a marriage. The whole idea of a marriage strike comes from this: we will withhold marriage if we do not get access to sex. The idea of this transaction is deeply problematic. Violence against women and children is the real threat to the family institution,” says women’s rights activist Kavita Krishnan.

I strongly hope that men who are going on #MaritalStrike remain on strike for ever. They are not safe for any woman to be married to. Anyone who thinks consent has no place in a marriage, should never marry.
— Kavita Krishnan (@kavita_krishnan) January 20, 2022

The Centre has also contended that a court “cannot usurp the power of the legislature”, adding that removal of exception 2 of Section 375 IPC “would be akin to legislating a separate offence which can be done only by the legislature as per the doctrine of separation of powers prescribed in the Constitution of India.”

The very fact that the petition to criminalise marital rape is drawing so much attention and fury is proof of how much we need it. An institution like marriage cannot stand if there is no consent, no transparency and equality for both partners.

The High Court of Delhi is expected to rule within weeks or months on the petitions to criminalise marital rape in India. The HC has also asked the Parliament of India to step in.

Though we all know what the outcome would be. Even if there is a big change to come, a law to add, it will take years and decades for the cultural change to set in!