Identifying Narcissistic Personality Disorder And Narcissistic Abuse

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Infano brings to you 10 Days Of Mental Health in collaboration with The Logical Indian in lieu of World Mental Health Day on October 10. Let’s talk about what is Narcissistic Personality Disorder and its repercussions on mental health.

Narcissus was a mythological Greek hunter who as the legend goes, saw his reflection in the water and fell hopelessly in love, with himself. A person who is obsessed with himself and has a sense of superiority is called a Narcissist.

What is Narcissistic personality disorder ?

“Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a condition in which a person has an exaggerated sense of his/her own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration and troubled relationships with family and at work”, says Dr. Anirudh Kala, a psychiatrist. “There is a striking lack of empathy for others because of which there is an inability to perceive the needs and feelings of others.”

What is Narcissistic abuse?

Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional abuse inflicted by someone who suffers from narcissism. The dynamics of abuse are very complex to understand, and the damage such an experience causes can only be known when experienced first-hand.

People who see it on the surface level force you to move on even forget about what happened or let it go as if it was that easy. They even start blaming you covertly by saying things like, “you attracted the abuse because there are unhealing parts within you or allowed it to happen.”
Past traumas play a role in the relationships we choose, but that is not the only factor.

The dynamics are similar to the dynamics of being captured in jail if you were to understand the research-based psychological principles behind abuse dynamics. it doesn’t only affect us emotionally but on all levels.
The abuser gets to the core of your psyche and then controls you in insidious ways and that control changes your personality. They will minimize your suffering blame it on you for causing it in the first place.

How to identify Narcissistic behaviour?

A person with NPD may have the following traits:

Shows extreme confidence but has vulnerable self-esteem which to the slightest criticism and often leads to lashing out and vengeful behavior when wishes are not fulfilled. Has a very strong sense of entitlement which needs to be constantly fed with excessive admiration. Spends a lot of time in grooming and keeping the wardrobe updated.
Is preoccupied with fantasies about his/her success, power, brilliance, beauty, or handsomeness.
Believes in self-superiority and associates only with people who are similarly placed because they are the only ones who will understand them.
Feels a need to outshine others in order to exaggerate self-achievements and talents.
Is manipulative, exploitative, and insists on having the best of everything — the best car, the corner office, and the best house out of the company pool, the best corporate jet.
Feels an innate need to be in control of things and situations. They want to be informed of their partner’s whereabouts, will check and keep a tab on their social media and correspondence, will criticize and control the aspects of their physical appearances, and will be the decision-maker on their behalf as if the partner’s say or opinion has nothing to do.
Monopolizes conversations to the dismay of your friends and colleagues. They will want to head the conversation often bordering on their accomplishments and superiority and will offer unsolicited opinions.
Blames you when adversity strikes. Projection of blame is more like a self-defense mechanism they employ when they feel psychologically threatened. This can be frustrating and unfair as the partner gets accused of doing things that they aren’t actually doing.
Lacks empathy or the ability to identify with or recognize the experiences and feelings of other people. They want everything to be about them and belong to them. They have zero respect for personal boundaries often mistreating, devaluing, and humiliating others with their speech and actions.

How to deal with Narcissistic behaviour?

Marital disharmony is common between such partners because the other can feel overpowered by a sense to upkeep the NPD’s reputation and may feel their partner is their ‘energy stealer’. However, relationships can work if one is a highly passive person content to be in the shadow. The image of bravado actually masks a strongly risk-averse personality.

Persons with NPD are more prone than others to develop depression and paranoid disorders. Identifying such personality streaks, therefore, becomes necessary. Asking a Narcissist to undergo therapy is easier said than done. One can instead lookout for support groups. Sometimes it may take some convincing because usually, they begin to think that a manipulative interaction between them and their partner is normal and that’s how generally relationships are. A strong support group can help the victim to break out of this assumption and help them realize the extent of manipulation by their partner and slowly break away from it.

If you or someone you know is in a manipulative relationship, it is best to seek help.

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India shall soon surpass its neighbour, that is China in terms of population. However, as far as its working population is concerned, we are far behind! International Labour Organisation says that only a fifth of adult women had a job or sought one in 2019, compared with three-fifths in China. The Centre for Monitoring Indian Economy, a local research firm, put the share of urban women in or looking for work at just 7% in November.

But why is that so? It is found that there is a lack of knowledge among the females of the country when it comes to the value of financial independence. While the urban ladies are opting for jobs, there is still a large group of women who prefers to put an end to the career post marriage.

What we collectively fail to instill in our women is the power of financial independence. Given the patriarchal mindset, the society is diving into – there is no point in guessing how deep-rooted and well-planned this lack of knowledge is.

Younger teenage girls are often shown marriage as the ultimate goal of their lives and not even once the value of earning your bread and butter is taught to them.

Independence

When a woman becomes financially independent whether she is married or not, she gets a stand in society. Her opinions are heard, valued, and thought upon. Not just that, with financial independence, a freedom to choose and cut ties with things/people/situations that don’t serve you is possible.

Today, the country is loaded with cases of domestic violence and some women choose to stay in the abuse because they have nowhere else to go. When you are financially independent, your confidence is unshakable and you are well versed with self-sustainability.

I believe, to ensure that women don’t rise and are always unquestionably obeying men, women are not taught the importance of saving, earning, and investing.

The ones who decide to be financially independent are looked down on but do not fall for it. Irrespective of, how rich your husband and in-laws are, irrespective of how little you earn – having a goal, a career, savings, and an empire of your own is always better than being rich and yet having nothing of your own.

We need to tell our little girls, rebellious teens, and younger women that making money is not wrong. Making money is your birthright and financial independence is your ticket to freedom. Your marriage cannot be above your career because, at the end of the day, it is better to own your bread and butter!