How to Deal When Your Adopted Child Wants to Meet Her Birth Parents

Highlights

It is natural for an adopted child to be curious about their birth family.

Most of the adoptive parents get hurt with the strong desire of their child to discover their birth parents.

It may cause the feeling of rejection, leading to severe consequences.

‘Hope for the Best and Do your Best’ is the most sensible adage for successful adoptive parenting.

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Adoption is a lifelong journey that brings in many emotions, challenges, and precious moments along the way. Along with the joy of adding a child to your family and becoming a parent, it may also bring many complications while raising them.

All adoptive parents struggle to balance the varying emotions of their children, especially when their children wish to contact their biological families.

As an adoptive parent, you may have so much love and compassion towards your child. You might have spent all your time and energy focusing on her future. But what if your adopted child wants to meet her birth parents? How could you cope with this?

It is natural for an adopted child to be curious about their birth family. Most of the adoptive parents get hurt with the strong desire of their child to discover their birth parents. Some parents call it disloyalty to those who adopted and raised them with love. It may cause the feeling of rejection, leading to severe consequences.

Overcome your fears

The biggest issue faced by most adoptive parents is the sense of insecurity about their child. As an adoptive parent, you may have fears that contacting your child’s birth parents may negatively affect your relationship with her.

Do not perceive your child’s desire to know her birth parents as a betrayal. It may be an act of curiosity to know where she came from and who her birth parents are. Just because she wishes to see her birth family does not mean she doesn’t love you.

Does the child’s contact with her birth parents threaten our relationship with the child?

What if she wants to return to live with her birth parents?

What if the birth mother tries to reclaim her child?

While different questions pop up in your mind that make you unstable, try to figure out what exactly your fears and worries are. It helps you to prepare yourself before you communicate with your child about what your kid is feeling about her birth parents. It gives you an idea of what decisions to make in your child’s best interests without hurting them.

If you are unable to know, seek the support of your friends or a therapist to help you sort out what your fears are and what your expectations are.

You need not feel guilty about being selfish. After all, you truly love your child, and so you are scared that you might lose the bond with your adopted child.

Communicate with your kid

Just imagine the unsettling emotion of your child when she has just discovered that she was adopted. It is hard for both you and your child to tackle the situation. Have patience and take efforts to understand the underlying issues and emotions of your adopted child.

Acknowledge the fact that your adopted kid has every right to know and understand the people from whom they came, their way of life, and more. She did not choose you, but you chose her. She never had an idea of what was happening to her or what her future would be.

If your kid is interested in finding his birth parents, encourage her to talk through the reasons to trace her birth family. Let her know that you understand the reasons to find out her birth parents.

Do not try to dictate what she should do regarding her birth parents. It can cause emotional ups and downs in your child that may lead to confusion and depression.

Tell her story and the circumstances that led to her adoption. Be honest to your kid and tell her what you know about her birth family. Assure your kid that you are ready to support her all the way. That would mean everything to her, even if she does not show it.

Supporting your child’s interests and connecting with her experiences can help you keep your child’s interests ahead of your own.

Partner with her birth parents

Supporting your child to find her birth parents is difficult but can be worth it.

The contact of your adopted child with her birth parents contributes to your child’s happiness and a sense of well-being. It gives her a sense of security that both the adoptive and birth parents support her throughout the life. It can also strengthen your relationship with your child.

The bottom line

Drop everything that is holding you back and let go of your emotions and fears. Support your child’s independence to make big decisions and respond in the best interest of your child.

‘Hope for the Best and Do your Best’ is the most sensible adage for successful adoptive parenting.

Highlights

The adjective empath is derived from the word empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand the emotions and perspectives of others even if one is not necessarily going through the same.

Female empaths can be the most emotionally intelligent, intuitive, committed, caring and fiercely independent women you have in your life.

It is wonderful to have a female empath as a partner or friend as they can sense your needs and emotions even if you are struggling to confront them.

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Some people get distraught too when their friend is nursing a grief. Sometimes they may feel that other’s pain is affecting them more than it’s affecting the actual sufferer. They need a break from time to time from the overwhelming crowd to refuel their energy. Few people are good face readers. Well, they might be an empath and still not be aware of this special virtue.

Who are empaths?

The adjective empath is derived from the word empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand the emotions and perspectives of others even if someone is not necessarily going through the same. It is the single most wonderful quality which is needed in this insensitive, self-centred world, especially in these difficult times. But this ability can be intensely draining for the empaths themselves. The sensibility of an empath is a gift for their friends and family for their caring and helping nature as they are excellent listeners and intelligent enough to come up with answers but this constant tendency of living on other’s experiences can be damaging to their mental health. Empathy without boundaries can be self-destructive.

What makes a female empath?

Female empaths can be the most emotionally intelligent, intuitive, committed, caring and fiercely independent women you have in your life.

Any relationship with a female empath is one of the most fulfilling relationships of life but not everyone is prepared for the kind of commitment and transparency they carry along in their personality.

It can be a bit overwhelming, especially for commitment-phobic men or looking for casual short term relationships. In friendships, empaths can be very generous, giving and intuitive to sense their friend’s needs and feelings but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea to reciprocate the same dedication and hypersensitivity towards them.

Some of the influencial women of the world who are recognized as hypersensitive and an empath are Nicole Kidman (actress and philanthropist ), Cate Blanchett (actress and philanthropist), Mother Teressa(Nobel Peace Prize winning Saint), Eleanor Roosevelt (former first lady of USA) and Hillary Swank ( Academy Award winning actress).

Let’s look at some of the traits of female empaths

1. They can sense the untold needs and emotions-

It is wonderful to have a female empath as a partner or friend as they can sense your needs and emotions even if you are struggling to confront them. They can even understand the feelings which you cannot find words to express. You are in the best company with female empaths if you need a partner who understands you thoroughly as they can see through you.

However, it can be a bit much for men who have been conditioned to hide their emotions throughout their lives. They can be uncomfortable in their minds and face being read all the time.

1Female empath in a relationship can put her partner’s needs above her.

2. They expect nothing but 100% honesty-

Honesty is an integral part of their personality. It is something the female empaths live with every day. Lies, deceit, insincerity and hypocrisy are absolute no-no in their all relationships. They would rather break off ties with liars and cheaters.

Moreover, you cannot over smart them. They can read all your lies and be brutally honest about their feelings in your face. It’s not easy for many people who insert little lies in their statements and for whom it’s no big deal.

3. They are very intuitive-

Female empaths are walking talking energy catchers. No one needs to tell them upfront but they can feel the energy of a place, person and circumstances. They are hypersensitive to pick up the vibes instantly therefore social circumstances may leave them emotionally as well as physically drained. If you are in a relationship with them, you both need to set boundaries about partying and frequently visiting crowded places like bars, musical concerts and events. Don’t worry they will be empathetic enough to let you live your way if you let them be themselves.

4. Not a small talker-

Empaths prefer deep conversations, although they mostly make great listeners than a talker. Dissing, gossiping, bitching or any negative conversation is off the list.

They will give subtle hints about stepping aside from negative conversation by using their wit and humour or they can be bold enough to ask you to stop directly. It’s quite a tricky position because empaths are the magnets who attract toxic and narcissistic persons as they give the vibes of a great listener.

5. They are givers-

Empaths are unconditional givers. They often have a hard time saying no to someone. Most of the time they can’t stop themselves from helping others in need. When a female empath gets into a relationship with a man she will give everything to nurture that bond. She may act like a mother while taking care of her man and therefore, it can be a bit overwhelming for the men as they may not handle the attention.

Setting definite boundaries will help. It will be better for empaths to draw the line themselves as sometimes receivers will drain them completely without reciprocating the same. At other times, receivers need to tell the givers that they are getting uncomfortable with the intensity of attention.

6. Natural Healers-

Have you watched the video in which a white-clothed empath walks out from his home? In the way outwards with every encounter and after listening to everyone’s grief his conscience keeps on getting darker and in the end, it turns all black. Once he reaches back home, his dog rushes towards him, he hugs his dog and all his darkness fades away, he is back to his bright self. It’s pretty much how the empaths heal.

They heal best amidst nature and animals. They treat animals and plants as their humans. They need and truly cherish their solitude. They need to take a break from socializing from time to time. They are better off in the woods with their dogs and cats. The friends, family and partners of female empaths should just accept them as they are.

Empath with pet — Empaths treat their pets like humans.

7. Great listeners and advisers

The reason why they are so popular amongst everyone despite not loving the attention is that they reflect the positive healing vibes.

Not only their friends often turn up to them for advice but often even strangers want to share their problems with the empaths. Why shouldn’t they? After all, empaths make great listeners, always looking to help the ones in need and intuitive and sharp enough to always find the answers.

8.They are passionate.

Nothing is mediocre in the lives of empaths. They can’t help but live in extremes. Their love, their detest, their bereavement all emotions are over the top. Female empaths are passionate, once they set their heart on someone then they are either present in the relationship with 200% or not present at all.

They are meant for life-long, deeper bonds and stay away from casual hookups and one night stands which is a little offbeat in the age of Tinder and online dating.

Doctor Judith Orloff is a psychiatrist and an empath and she specializes in treating highly sensitive people. Her research in the field is published in New York Times best-selling book The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies For Sensitive People.

This article uses references to her book and Instagram posts.

Also read – https://infano.care/safe-places-for-women-solo-travellers-post-pandemic/