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Coming Out Month: People Who Mustered Courage To Accept Their Sexuality!

Written By: Sonali
October 23, 2020
  • Full Read
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October is the Coming Out Month and the 11th day of this month is celebrated as National Coming Out Day widely across the UK and the USA.

But I do wonder if we even need such days or occasions to tell people who we are? Or what we feel? Or how do we imagine living our life?

Well, the answer could be a ‘no’ had it been any of the progressive western countries that you admire but the Indian society is yet to accept the rainbow colours completely! In fact, according to a survey, more than 40% of LGBTQ youth reported that the Covid-19 pandemic had affected their ability to express their LGBTQ identity.

Moreover, one-third of them admitted that they were unable to express themselves at home, while nearly a third of transgender and nonbinary youth reported not feeling safe in their living situation since the start of the pandemic.

And, maybe, this is why I’m writing this today — hoping that the ratio of people accepting this ‘our very own yet mostly boycotted clan’ would increase — that there would be less complaints and more lovely stories and people would stop considering the ‘T’ of LGBTQ as minorities or cursed.

These short stories about people coming out to their family and closed friends is an attempt to inspire others and encourage them to confront their loved ones — admit who they are and accept their self worth!

Sonal Chauhan

“Sonali, I always knew I was different but I could not tell anybody as I knew nobody would believe that! It’s hard to explain to people who can’t see your inner beings,” shares Sonal who fought with society and even shifted to a different state to find acceptance from the same.

“I would always try to give hints to my family but they would always refuse and ignore it. It was 2012, I was cooking with my mother when she asked me, ‘what is wrong with you, why don’t you socialize, you can’t ignore society if you wish to live with it!’ I was hurt. I’ve been suffering my entire life and no one even bothered to listen to me,” Sonal continues. “And that’s when I told her — with firm confidence that I was not a boy — that I never felt like a boy!”

Sonal recalls all those years during which she had been ignored, not listened out and only scolded, “my mother did listen this time and stepped forward to support me, however, she still could not believe my words. She told my father, sister, and one of my cousins who are working as a nurse. My cousins spoke to a psychiatrist and advised my mother to let me stay the way I was — they still couldn’t believe it and I had to fight with my freedom of expression!”

We live in a society — a homophobic society — and wearing females’ attires or having feminine behaviour is not really expected from a man. But hey, kuch toh log kahenge, logo ka kaam hain kehna!

Despite the fear of getting insulted, Sonal was persistent with her thoughts and asked her parents to support her — this time, none of them was ready to give up. But Sonal continued fighting until a part of the society gave her its acceptance. The fight is still on, she says, and it will be until her last breath!

Debendra Nath Sanyal

“I came out to my best friend (a girl) when I was 21. I was tired of living parallel lives that could not intersect. It was exhausting! Eventually, I came out to my other friends too — some of them distanced themselves from me, but the rest happily accepted me,” shares Deb who is a proud gay.

“I came out to my family at 23 when I was moving out. My mom and my brother were very supportive and dad took some time but now he wholeheartedly accepted the fact that I am gay,” he continues.

For Deb, coming out was one of the most daunting decisions he had to take in his life but as he says, he is happy that he did it, “it brought an end to the mental pressure I lived with pretending to be someone else. Now I am living my life as an authentic self and am grateful to my family and friends for making that space for me where I feel I can be myself.”

Mr. Dhananjay Chouhan

The first transgender student of Punjab University and the founder of Saksham Trust, Dhananjay has to take the way of mythology to convince others. But it was not easy — it has never been!

“My parents were fine until I started wearing sarees. I’ve faced it all — from being called a hijra or chhakka to getting insulted publicly,” says the transwoman who is responsible for the gender-neutral bathrooms to anti-discriminatory cell in Punjab University today.

She believes that society won’t accept you until you accept yourself, “people are always worried about what the ‘char log’ would say. These ‘char log’ are the ones who judge us our entire life and give their shoulders on our last rites. I stopped giving damn to people and I’m happy and content with the life I’m living today!” She is currently engaged to Rudra who is a transman.

Sindhur Kashyap & Spoorthy Sindhur

When perhaps the first lesbian marriage of Bengaluru took place, it wasn’t less than a sequel of any romantic film. But it didn’t happen before a lot of controversies and struggles.

For Sindhur, her parents always knew but never really asked her — neither she ever confronted them. But when Spoorthy confronted her parents, Sindhur also decided to do the same.

What followed after that was a lot of mental and physical abuse and a house arrest for Spoorthy. But the duo did not give up. “We knew we were not wrong and so we decided to fight against it,” shares Sindhur.

They ultimately tied the knots. But it’s been four years and their parents have not spoken to them yet.

Naaz Joshi

“I never came out as an open transgender but from an early age, my parents, friends, and relatives started calling me names. The most difficult part of my life was when I was transitioning, i.e., during my sex reassignment surgery,” shares Naaz who is a record holder beauty pageant. “

“There was an initial time during that transition when I looked neither like a male nor like a female. Society became too judgemental. I was extremely vulnerable since I was on female hormones and it was getting very painful to receive nasty comments day by day,” she continues.

Nonetheless, she never gave up and made the world believe in her and her talent. From surviving rape to taking India to the international level, she witnessed a lot in her life.

LGBT communityLGBTQLGBTQ rightsLGBTQIANational coming out day 2020

Sonali

A 'non-9-5 desk job' ambivert geek who chooses her own audience, Sonali loves sharing stories and finding the corners where humanity still exists! She believes that every individual's story is unique and special. She loves writing about the untouched and unspoken segments of society. When not writing, you can find her listening to someone's stories or playing with dogs. Sonali values mental health and encourages people to speak their heart out!

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Infano Care

Female Condoms, A Great Contraceptive Choice for Indian Youth

Written By: Tasneem Akbari Kutubuddin
April 11, 2021 | 04:23 PM |
1,861

Highlights

  • The female condom is a birth control (contraceptive) device.
  • It is inserted vaginally to reduce the risk of both pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
  • However, it is also an under-utilized one.
  • Women’s control over the wearing of the female condom reduces their stress and allows them to enjoy the experience.

 

  • Quick Read
  • Full Read

A female condom is among the various available contraceptive barrier methods available. However, it is also the under-utilized one. The female condom — also called an internal condom — is a birth control (contraceptive) device that acts as a barrier to keep sperm from entering the uterus. It is a highly effective contraceptive method that can be inserted vaginally to reduce the risk of both pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

Here are a few pros and cons of the female condom.

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For the uninitiated, a female condom is among the various available contraceptive barrier methods available. However it is also the under-utilized one. The female condom — also called an internal condom — is a birth control (contraceptive) device that acts as a barrier to keep sperm from entering the uterus. It is a highly effective contraceptive method that can be inserted vaginally to reduce the risk of both pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

One of the most commonly reported worries about pregnancy and STI concerns often prevent people from fully enjoying sexual pleasure. Also most men and women have seen the female condom before, or heard of it.

Methods of contraception

Female condoms are not as popular as male condoms, which could be due to the lack of availability, higher price, and/or preference. Female condoms are not generally available in grocery stores, drug stores, or in vending machines. Their sale is usually limited to specialty stores, some pharmacies and reproductive health centers, or online retailers.

How do u insert a female condom?

A female condom is inserted in the vagina. Find yourself, a comfortable position. While holding outside of condom at closed end, squeeze sides of inner ring together with your thumb and forefinger Insert the ring as high as possible into your vaginal canal. It’s similar to inserting a menstrual cup or tampon. Use your finger to ensure that the condom is deep inside of your vagina. Using your finger, push inner ring as far up till it rests against cervix. The rim of the condom opening should rest just outside of the vaginal opening.This can be inserted for upto 8 hours before having sex.

Female condom

A study was done to explore the views of Indian women and men who participated in a brief intervention using the female condom on their experiences in relation to sexual pleasure, sexual satisfaction, and their overall acceptability.

Here are a few pros and cons listed below from the study’s findings about use of female condoms based on the feedback of trial group.

Advantages

Women feel empowered, as they do not need to wait for male partners to provide protection or to negotiate wearing a condom 

Its ability to reduce the risk of a range of STIs due to the coverage offered both inside and outside of the vagina and on parts of the vulva 

The ability to discard the barrier method and prevent contact with male ejaculate, for hygienic reasons and ease of clean up helped them enjoy sex with their partners especially for sex workers.

Female condom can increase pleasure through alleviating stress related to the risks of pregnancy or STI transmission.

Some men enjoy how the female condom prolonged sex due to the use of a barrier method, which increases their pleasure.

Female condoms they can be used with all types of lubricants. Test for latex allergy, however. 

Disadvantages

The limited literature focused on the acceptability of female condoms in India has not addressed sexual pleasure. Discussions of sexual pleasure in relation to the female condom are less common.

When female condoms are introduced in traditionally patriarchal cultures, price is generally reported as a concern, as well as the lack of trust if women are the ones to introduce it to their partner.

Insertion of the female condom can be a challenging part of the experience for most participants.

The barrier and thickness of the material may reduce sensation (which for some may be a drawback, for others it’s beneficial by prolonging sex) but the design enhances sensation by allowing for more movement of the female condom on the penis compared to the male condom.

Some users reported that their partner could feel the inner ring and this caused friction, which caused pain or discomfort for some

Due to the firmer material of the ring, male partners can feel occasional discomfort in rubbing against it during penetration.

Since partners cannot always be trusted to use a male condom (e.g. because of intoxication, wanting full sensation, and not having a male condom available), women’s control over the wearing of the female condom reduces their stress and allows them to enjoy the experience. This can be the greatest factor for using a female condom as a contraceptive choice. With some practice, insertion can be perfected.

In India, female condoms an be bought online through Amazon or Flipkart.

Have you ever tried a female condom? Tell us your experience here.

contraceptionfemale condomIndiasexual healthwomen’s health

Tasneem Akbari Kutubuddin

Tasneem Akbari Kutubuddin has done her masters in Journalism & Communication and has worked as a senior journalist, editor and columnist for leading publications like The Logical Indian, Deccan Chronicle, Worldwide Media Corporation, The Bridge and Provoke.
With Infano, she hopes to create more awareness about women’s health issues. Suffering with Fibromyalgia, a chronic pain condition, she has also been advocating for its awareness through media.

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